Joys! Another post on the intricate un-wonders of Microsoft Excel. As all those who are unlucky enough to be Excel fiends know, there is enough about it that is a right royal pain in the ass. Anything that can make working with it a little easier has surely got to be welcome. Especially if it's free, given it's not always easy to get employers to actually give you anything involving £, and it feels morally wrong to make a personal investment into the mysterious lands of numbers in squares.

With that in mind, here's the Poorhouse's current top 3 free downloadable addons for others who spend double-digit hours a day inside this most gridular of programs. All guaranteed working for at least Excel 2003, and probably other versions too.

Killer swine! Yes, those notoriously filthy beasts have been at it again, only unfortunately this time they've been mixing it up and cavorting with pigs would you believe? Hence, mutated viruses, yada yada, resulting in a human-contagious swine flu sweeping the world. To an extent at least. As yet, the World Health Organisation isn't declaring it a proper pandemic, but it has caused 6497 cases of illness including 65 confirmed deaths, spread between 33 countries as of yesterday apparently.

The UK Government even made a little booklet about it to send to every citizen, so it must be pretty much as serious as terrorism no less. And yes, the book is not all that far off being as pointless and patronising as the terrorism handbook was – suggesting such wacky concepts as not sneezing a nose full of infected bogies into your dearly beloved's face. Still, the previous Governmental advice to walk away from, not towards, a roaring fire in a building has kept the Poorhouse alive so far, so can't complain.

The Poorhouse is a big fan of acronyms, and here's a new one that surely is about to take the world by storm: WILB. Researchers (well, a researcher) use it to mean "Workplace Internet Leisure Browsing". You might have heard of it under other guises - perhaps "skiving", or "taking another break", or "squandering company resources, you're fired."

Only perhaps you shouldn't be. In fact, maybe you should be promoted. Raw hard science (kind of) proves it. Thank you Dr Coker, and your University of Melbourne study.

Darryl C: legitimately smugTo some, the Poorhouse has something of a reputation for miser-like tendencies on certain items, allegedly. Or let's put it nicely: frugality. Anyhow, despite having a brother with the same name, he has been wholly outdone in the awkward realm of birthday cards (good? pointless? appropriate? silly pre-written message?) by these guys: Darryl and Dan Culberson.

The brothers have been saving money every year...exchanging the same birthday card since 1973

And no, not one with the same picture on the front. The exact same physical piece of (yellowing) card has been swapped between them, twice a year, for significantly longer than the Poorhouse has even been alive. Why didn't we think of that one?

The Poorhouse is a big lover of pop-economics, the sort of stuff famously published in tomes such as The Undercover Economist or Freakonomics. The quantitative inter-relation of sometimes disparate-seeming topics, but mostly concentrating on cold hard money, is a fascinating insight into how the world really works. The more popularised writings on such topics may be a little dumbed down for the masses, but on the other hand they are actually interesting to read.

Nonetheless, there are some activities that at first it is hard to see that they would innately relate to financial incentives such as taxation in a consumer-driven way. The truly mortal stuff, births and deaths, one can see easily would relate strongly to wealth - if you have the money for good medical care, you'll likely live longer - but at the end of the day generally people don't have a lot of active choice over exactly which day they are born or die in a way that they can choose their brand of cola...or do they? Work by Joshua Gans and Andrew Leigh indicates maybe there are more active - financially incentivisable - choices going on that one might expect.

As part of the not-particularly New Year's resolutions, and more importantly, because it is expensive plastic tat manufactured by Nintendo, the Poorhouse felt inclined to invest in a Wii Fit system some months ago. And guess what...the regime continues, with fairly-near daily usage. Impressive, no?! It has to be said that there haven't been new crowds of fan marvelling at the new He-Man like physique, but presumably it can't do any harm to try and fitten up a bit.

The Poorhouse is well aware that his claims of being a successful & balanced citizen who just happens to run thousands of pounds through bookies is a statement unbelievable to many. But it's true, trust me, you can profit. Guaranteed. Well, except via things more akin to "acts of god" than simply picking a 3 legged horse.

The Poorhouse refers of course to the technique of matched betting (with perhaps a little arbitrage betting thrown in, but that's more for people with a concentration span of over the Poorhouse's 10 minute limit).

Thanks to the recent betfest that is Cheltenham, Poorhouse just passed a notable £5000 profit benchmark, so thought it was time to bring it up again for you skeptics. Although of course I might still be lying just to trick you into...ermm...giving your money to someone else for no good reason.

Penguins, those birds so innately classy they lend their name to fancy clothing normally worn only at ambassador's parties and wannabe-impressive drunken corporate events, are apparently in reality no better than the rest of us. Despite the common sense being that humans are the only creatures to enjoy sexual frolicking (aside from dolphins, certain monkeys, and maybe some pigs some would have, but there is a limit to the search phrases the Poorhouse is willing to type into Google on this topic), it seems sex is so hot in the penguin world that the world's oldest profession - delicately referred to by some as "whoring" - works wonders there too.

Yes, "Antarctic dolly-birds are turning tricks to get rocks off their menfolk" reports the BBC.

You may recall - if you have the memory of an elephant and actually read anything around here - the Poorhouse's distaste for the idea of the Bacon Bar, a chocolate bar with ingrained bacon. The thought at the time was to take 2 of the sublimest tastes known to humanity, inappropriately combine them into one product, and then have a cheek to sell it at £2 per ounce, was an outrageous waste. Cognitively, it still seems that way.

However, since then, the Poorhouse has great reason to thank Stu of Crazy4Flavour, the UK distributors of "Bacon Salt" who has inclined the Poorhouse to confront his prejudices and give it - or rather a bargainous equivalent - a go.

Well, clearly the above could be answered in a single word, with one syllable and two letters, but hey, let's give it a chance. A strange amount of tarnish has fallen from the pens of certain newspapers on "social networking websites". Often the example they use is Facebook, presumably because it's the biggest, baddest and all, with a population of considerably more than quite some countries using it.

There seem to be a couple of main stories, both of which could be plot-lines for a horror film.