The Poorhouse got all excited once his regular news search for perversions in Sheffield (the Poorhouse's special place, rather than a consequence of his deep love for ex-industrial spoon-making towns) popped up with a nice result or too. Who wouldn't read on and feel a level of local pride upon reading this?

...one of a range of odd items medics in Sheffield have had to remove from people's backsides or genitals.

It's good to be famous for something.

The railways in Britain are a huge, huge ripoff and have been for quite some time. As a personal example, the Poorhouse reguarly travels from Sheffield to London. At "standard" (i.e. the cheapest - no food, no drink, no entertainment, often enough no seat) class, this can cost £185 for a return trip. This is equivalent to wages for about 33 hours of hard graft at the UK minimum wage, a salary the Government presumably expects it to be reasonable to survive on. Yes, if you book weird train times half a year in advance you can get far better deals, but sort of cash is what you can expect to pay should you not have the staff / luxury / wherewithal to plan trips in advance down to the precise minute of the precise day. And even that goddamned £185 ticket had date restrictions on it!

The Poorhouse was therefore disgusted to hear before Christmas about yet another average train fare rise this year. And yesterday's revelations in the Times are just disgusting:

Rail fares will more than double from tomorrow on some routes under new ticket restrictions being quietly introduced by train companies.

Vice-like it may be, but the Poorhouse is always up for a flutter - especially when he always wins. However, the below might be the finest sure bet he's had the pleasure of placing.

Funny product names are always to be included in the purile pit of juven-humour seen to be floating around the Poorhouse, but it's not always the case that they a) are not unfortunately-named foreign imports, b) have TV ads, and c) are related to some of the most sensitive of health subjects.

Check this:

For some time, you lovely commenters might have noticed you're apparently all spammers. Every word dropped out seems to trigger outrageous spam accusations upon the site and remains unpublished until the Poorhouse gets round to going through them all.

This is most unsatisfactory all round, so as of now a little bitty upgrade has taken place in the hope that at least some comments are allowed to be published sans your generous host's intervention. Chat away, and we'll see if it works or not.

Chocolate. Oh yes. Bacon. Oh yes. Bacon chocolate? Oh no.

Yes, of course someone had to make that probably-foul leap. What is the food world coming to? First the Poorhouse's once-vegetarianly inclined nearest and dearest start to eat guinea pigs with faces on, and now some twonk is breaking with the tradition of serving unhealthy but yummy evil in seperate courses by shoving bacon into chocolate.

Here's Mo's Bacon Bar.

You can only buy it in one UK shop, Selfridges, and you can't buy it quite now as it sold out within 48 hours of launch, but stocks no doubt will be replenished should you need it. Best save up though, it's £5.99 for 3 ounces. Substantially more expensive than the not-quite-so-revolting-sounding but still rough "Chilli Chocolate" the Poorhouse once saw in the local Home Bargains.

Says a fancy foodie working at Selfridges: it's "a real explosion of flavours". Maybe, Ewan, but not all explosions are good, are they? Just ask the anti-terrorist squad.

We can blame a company called Vosges Haut-Chocolat for this, and many other boke-creatingly poor creations - chocolate with lumps of mushrooms in anyone? Curse them for involving the word "enchanted" in the product title, conflicting the Poorhouse's lust for the more mind-bending things our Lord God Creator thought to bestow on us with his distaste for people deliberating ruining otherwise beautously edible things (yes, this from the Poorhouse whose raison d etre is essentially the thrill of the chase pursuing battered cheese).

Here's a nice snapshot of a town in Turkey, famous for mostly for its position on a particular river and its oil-producing nature. Not sure if it's top of the 10-places-to-see-before-you-die tourist list but it has been described with such delightful descriptions as "historical glory", "natural richness" and "magnificent". Actually its position and trade isn't why its at all famous really. It has a funny name: Batman.

But we shouldn't mock, and certainly the novelty factor has grated on the nerves of its mayor, one Hüseyin Kalkan.

In recent days, an ex-BNP-er managed to leak something of a membership list for that foul party. It seems that it's a few years out of date and includes a few people more accurately described as prospects than fully paid up members, but nonetheless, it's out. The list also included some addresses, phone numbers, and job descriptions it seems. It was not a good thing to release, especially not if you're a loathed neo-facist right wing party.

I mean normally, who would care? Yes, it's a bit annoying that your address is available to all and sundry, but the fact you (mostly) chose to affiliate with a party you believe in, well surely you should be campaigning loud and proud for them, not praying that no-one finds out you're in it. Anyone would think that even its own members realises its sheer wrongness.

We all know we're supposed to eat 5 portions of fruit n veg a day right? But do we know what fruit and vegetables actually are in order to actually give us a decent chance at fulfilling said obligation...? According to a recent survey, no we don't. Check it:

One in five [parents] thought that fruit-flavoured sweets, spaghetti hoops and orange squash counted towards the daily target.And although one in ten believed Jaffa Cakes, chips and cola contributed, one in 20 thought oranges or bananas didn't

Haven't we all at least once felt "if only the contents of my pockets were made of cold meat?". Of course. And thus, to your left is various gadgetry modelled in filthy disgusting animal flesh. Yum.

(stolen from engadget, ta.)