A brave claim

We all kind of know that most of the stuff that the shops in the UK capitalist society sells you is less than ideal for what you want it for, and certainly far underperforms any claim that the advertisers would have you believe. The mystery product pictured to the left however did cause intrigue within the Poorhouse. What product is so bad that it would be not just a pleasant surprise should it do what it says on the packet, but an outright "Shock!"?

What sector of consumerist rubbish-creators is so aware of its normal trash output that their "buy me" sales pitch is simply that yes, for once in your life, you're stand a modicum of chance that by buying product X you won't be entirely disappointed?

Yes, dear readers, it is of course...carpet cleaner! Specifically "Carpet Power" from OzKleen (TV advert available here - but it's no Cillit Bang wonder). Clearly it is in a genre of product so notably unreliable and useless that the Sale of Goods Act's requirements that a product must be "fit for purpose" is taken to be a joke.

So in that this pointless story is being written it clearly didn't cause a heart attack upon usage in the Poor House. As to whether it really works, hmmm, the irresponsibly cream carpet is perhaps a little less dirty but a control group of 12p soap and water was not used to determine efficacy. The house does not smell like a lavender field as the packaging nearly claims but then even the Poorhouse doesn’t go around sniffing carpets as a matter of course. Excuse the (rewardless) product placement but the only cleaning product the Poorhouse has actually had its dark cold heart skip a beat for was some dirty-grey grainy paste in a pot from "Astonish". A swift review of their website indicates that the particular product in mind has been discontinued so that gem of knowledge is now rendered useless, but the box looked a little like Astonish Oven and Cookware Cleaner if that helps.

In summary though, the key thing you should take away from reading this page is that this is not the site to come for if you are interested in reviews of cleaning products.



I have a little-used pot of "dirty-grey grainy paste in a pot from "Astonish"". What's it worth? Should I put it on e-bay or merely make it free to a good home? All offers welcome! It is very good but can't (apparently) be used on ceramic hobs.
You probably don't want to know, but my top cleaning product is 1001 Spruce 'n' Clean.
It is pleasant to use, leaves no gritty residue to be washed off, and, whilst not evoking memories of lavender fields from long ago and far away, smells relatively clean and unobtrusive. Surprisingly, it also seems better at cleaning carpets than the stuff they produce specifically for that purpose.

There's a bottle of Astonish

There's a bottle of Astonish Marble and Granite cleaner on ebay as I type as it happens, so maybe that idea is a good one if it truly is as rare as I think it is. Have to say I'm pretty sure I used mine on a ceramic hob though, assuming I understand what that phrase means. Maybe what I thought was cleanliness was actually hazardous chemical reactions.

I am most interested of course in everyone's favourite cleaning products. I shall surely have to get myself some spruce 'n' clean come payday!

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