Afghanistan alchemists

So as the UK military forces continue their expensive, pointless, doomed and probably harmful mission to rid the world of a few arbitrary types of intoxicating plants, it seems the drug producers have come up with ever more cunning methods to turn a freely-grown weed into something with the black-market-boosted value of gold dust.

Check this out – the biggest haul of cannabis ever found has been blown up by 3 1000lb bombs. The Poorhouse is sure that was the only possible way to remove such merchandise as well…cue lots of g(l)ory pictures of fire, death and destruction and maybe a bit of nationalistic pride for our taxpayer-funded killers too. All this is rather insignifcant news though compared to what was being done with such raw material.


Let’s let the ever-reliable and unbiased Daily Mail tell us what was going on eh?

Officials believe the area - near to the Taliban stronghold of Quetta in Pakistan - was turning dried cannabis leaves into heroin.

Now that is some pretty hardcore drug lab work going on there…just to emphasise the point for any unworldly innocent, dried cannabis leaves tend to be used to manufacture, erm, cannabis. Heroin however, opiate that it is, is derived from the opium poppy. Turning cannabis into heroin would be akin to turning stones into gold, or whatever the old-skool alchemist ideal was.

I suppose it doesn’t really matter; as we know all illegal drugs are the same anyhow, and invariably far more dangerous to even glance at than your traditional legal niceties such as alcohol, tobacco and rat poison.


PS: Yes, the Daily Mail wasn’t the only idiotic news agency to repeat this story word for word (the demise of editing, let alone real reporting, being ever more apparent), but they do generally deserve the most abuse. For the sake of completion, the exact same story was reprinted at the London Evening Standard. Claps however to the Scotsman for substituting the slightly more likely “resin” for heroin.


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