Book news: OJ Simpson confesses online, and perhaps you don't need to buy Harry Potter 7 after all

Time for a bit of book-reading now perhaps. Don't worry, it won't be over highbrow. You may recall a certain Mr O J Simpson, previously heralded as a sportsman and actor but is now far, far more famous for having erm....not killed his wife, the Poorhouse supposes. Or such was the verdict in the (televised) criminal trial anyhow, although he was somehow found guilty of "wrongful death" in a later civil trial.

Despite the fact that the official "innocent" was perhaps the least expected court case result ever - up there with Michael Jackson's acquittal some courtroom sceptics might say - OJ decided he needed to push it just a bit further by writing "If I Did It"; a "novel" where he details exactly what would have happened and how were it to be the case that he did kill his wife and Ronald Goldman. Funnily enough, it fits the real evidence really quite well, creative writer that he is.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, one of the worst-taste books ever did get picked up by a publisher, ReganBooks, whose Judith Regan (now fired) considered the book to be his confession. Various values for the book deal and companion TV interview were rumoured, all of which were in the 7-figure $ range or so.

However, despite reaching the stage of having printed 400,000 copies of the book, the whole thing got cancelled due to disgusted outcry at letting such profit occur in such criminal bad taste from the public and media. However it seems not all the public were actually all that morally outraged as the book, even though obviously only available on pre-order, made it into Amazon's top 20 best-sellers list.

After official cancellation happened, the inevitable happened, and of course it got leaked onto the internet, mainly via the Bittorrent networks. Several mirrors of it are also available on the web. "Co-incidentally" this was just after a judge gave the rights to the book to Ron Goldman's family - who still intended to publish it, under the title "Confessions of a double murderer" - as part payment of the massive fine OJ owes them as a result of the civil trial.

Of course the bit everyone really wants to read is the murder scene, which has an extra special disclaimer on it that it isn't in any way true, oh no siree. Here you go, sickos, although reputedly (the Poorhouse isn't interested enough to read it all through) unlike the rest of the book it's a little lacking in detail. Excuse the language. He's not the politest of characters.

I looked over at Goldman, and I was fuming. I guess he thought I was going to hit him, because he got into his little karate stance. "What the fuck is that?" I said. "You think you can take me with your karate shit?" He started circling me, bobbing and weaving, and if I hadn't been so fucking angry I would have laughed in his face. "O.J., come on!" It was Charlie again, pleading. Nicole moaned, regaining consciousness. She stirred on the ground and opened her eyes and looked at me, but it didn't seem like anything was registering. Charlie walked over and planted himself in front of me blocking my view. "We are fucking done here, man-let's go!"

I noticed the knife in Charlie's hand, and in one deft move I removed my right glove and snatched it up. "We're not going anywhere," I said, turning to face Goldman. Goldman was still circling me, bobbing and weaving, but I didn't feel like laughing anymore. "You think you're tough, motherfucker?" I said. I could hear Charlie just behind me, saying something, urging me to get the fuck out of there, and at one point he even reached for me and tried to drag me away, but I shook him off, hard, and moved toward Goldman. "Okay, motherfucker!" I said. "Show me how tough you are!"

Then something went horribly wrong, and I know what happened, but I can't tell you exactly how. I was still standing in Nicole's courtyard, of course, but for a few moments I couldn't remember how I'd gotten there, when I'd arrived, or even why I was there. Then it came back to me, very slowly: The recital-with little Sydney up on stage, dancing her little heart out; me, chipping balls into my neighbor's yard; Paula, angry, not answering her phone; Charlie, stopping by the house to tell me some more ugly shit about Nicole's behavior. Then what? The short, quick drive from Rockingham to the Bundy condo. And now?

Now I was standing in Nicole's courtyard, in the dark, listening to the loud, rhythmic, accelerated beating of my own heart. I put my left hand to my heart and my shirt felt strangely wet. I looked down at myself. For several moments, I couldn't get my mind around what I was seeing. The whole front of me was covered in blood, but it didn't compute. Is this really blood? I wondered. And whose blood is it? Is it mine? Am I hurt?

Eeergh.

Now onto happier book news. Harry Potter! In less than a month's time the final instalment of the Harry Potter series of story books - which, don't let the above confuse you, are actually probably fictional - is to be released, entitled Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Of course the world is almost as excited about it as it got miserable when Take That split up the first time. Rumours about the finale, of which we have apparently been half-promised will feature some important character(s) death and will end with the word "scar".

Well, just to spoil it for you, a guy called "Gabriel" reckons he hacked it out of Bloomsbury Publishing via emailing an exploit from milw0rm to an employee who clicked on whatever it was opening the floodgates for Gabriel to illicitly retrieve copies of the book. Now there are many reasons to believe that this is basically lies, some of which were gone over by PC Magazine. However, ones never knows. It's no less likely than Harry Potter performing naked beastiality-type stories in a theatre, and that's already happened.

So dear readers, never liking to allow reality to get in the way of possibly highly-upsetting situations, here's what Gabriel claims happens. Because the Poorhouse is quite scared of friends and associates violently assaulting the premises should this be true and inadequate spoiler-warnings had been given, you'll have to click here for it to magically become visible, Hogwarts style.


Comments

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <blockquote> <del>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
  • You may post code using <code>...</code> (generic) or <?php ... ?> (highlighted PHP) tags.
  • You may use [acidfree:xx] tags to display acidfree videos or images inline.
  • Images can be added to this post.

More information about formatting options

Captcha
This question is for testing whether you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.
16 + 3 =
Solve this simple math problem and enter the result. E.g. for 1+3, enter 4.