Boris Johnson , Britain's only human MP, has recently struck again. Being, unlikely as it sounds, a member of the Conservative party, previously notorious for its catastrophic leadership in-fighting, he took some pleasure in the recent Blair vs Brown battles. To quote:

"For 10 years we in the Tory Party have become used to Papua New Guinea-style orgies of cannibalism and chief-killing, and so it is with a happy amazement that we watch as the madness engulfs the Labour Party."

Unfortunately, whilst its childish nature and un-politician-like honesty was fine with the clowns in Parliament, it was not so fine with Papua New Guinea's High Commissioner in London, Jean Kekedo.

Not realising that the Boris buffoon should clearly not be subject to the same rules and norms as standard boring MPs, she considered it "very damaging to the image of Papua New Guinea", and was "shocked and appalled by such comments from a seemingly well-educated person of very high standing" and threatened that he may be refused a visa to visit their country because of his comments.

Boris, in standard indefatigable style, managed to both half-apologise and, yet again, entertain the world through his hilarious backdown. To snip it would be heresy, so here in full is Mr Johnson's apology upon being informed that it is no longer the case that the average Papua New Guinean eats another average Papua New Guinean human.

"I would like to thank the High Commissioner very much for her clarification.

I meant no insult to the people of Papua New Guinea who I’m sure lead lives of blameless bourgeois domesticity in common with the rest of us.

My remarks were inspired by a Time Life book I have which does indeed show relatively recent photos of Papua New Guinean tribes engaged in warfare, and I’m fairly certain that cannibalism was involved.

I’d be happy to show the book to the High Commissioner but I’m of course also very happy to take up her kind invite and add Papua New Guinea to my global itinerary of apology."

Boris is of course no stranger to apologising, most famously being sent to Liverpool to apologise to them for referring to the city's population as being inclined to wallow in disproportionate grief.

It later turned out that he thought the Time Life - renowned for their beautifully illustrated books and dubious billing practices - book was "fantastic" and showed scenes of "primitive warfare and killing" as late as the 1960s which seemed a "perfectly fair, florid, flowery metaphor for what's going on in the Labour Party".

Boris: the Poorhouse calls upon you to dump the evil Conservatives and start your very own political party. Surely this 1-man party would poll an earth-shatteringly high amount of votes just to see what his next little oration in the House would be.