Cat: made for youCats are kind of nice, cuddly, friendly things most of the time, but many people suffer intentionless-harm from them. Somewhere around 2% of the population (in the US anyway) reportedly suffer from some sort of cat allergy. For anyone wanting non-Loreal style science, it is because cats have a protein allergen called Fel d 1 which appears like an evil air-borne monster via their sebaceous glands.

Unfortunately, until recently, most of the best advice to be given was to avoid them. Apparently this advice didn't go down well, as a third of the above-mentioned two percent actually kept a cat in their house anyway. A better solution was needed.

A cat allergy can be quite a distressing thing.

The eyes may become red, itchy, watery, or swollen. The nose may itch, run, sneeze, or become congested. The ears may become plugged or itchy. The throat may have post-nasal drip, frequent throat clearing, itching and hoarseness. The lung symptoms may include coughing, wheezing, chest tightness, shortness of breath, and frequent bronchitis. The skin may develop itchy rashes or hives.

But luckily a nouveau-scientifique solution is at hand. A company called Allerca, who go by the tag line "lifestyle pets" has just started selling "hypoallergenic cats".

Whilst they have previously been reported as being "genetically modified" via gene slicing by the media, it seems that that they changed their mind and let a (extremely human controlled) mother nature do the job. It is now claimed that it has been done by selective breeding; finding - by genetic testing - 2 cats who have the 1-in-50,000 incidence of being free of allergen Fel d 1 and letting them "make kittens". Repeat this ad infintum until the ultimate allergy-friendly feline has been made. This is of course a form of genetic modification, but doesn't have the eerie mutant-cat sound of being a transgenic pussy. Nonetheless, the Poorhouse suggests you follow the advice previously given by Allerca's president, Simon Brodie, that things would be OK "as long as people don't start eating cats and they don't enter the food chain".

Softpaws: tastefulThese cats are not cheap though. Presently they cost just over £2100, although even with that astounding pricetag-on-animals, there is a non-too-short waiting list of prospective owners. But, consumer dear, fear not! Unlike your average cat, these ones do come with a warranty and guarantees. The Poorhouse is not aware of quite what the terms and conditions of this are - possibly "Do not leave in front of a moving car" and so on would be listed - but it is confirmed that de-clawing the cat will lead to your warranty being invalidated. Luckily, just like all good toys, they come out-of-the-box fitted with "Soft Paws" (vinyl nail caps) for your enjoyment.

Lastly, you should be aware that there will be no freebies here! Before being issued to their hopefully-loving owner, each of these cats is neutered, rendering reproduction impossible. They spin this as "helping animal overpopulation", but really it seems a little more commercially likely it's to avoid "copyright" issues a la the terminator gene.