Cash machines, aka ATMs, never the funnest of things are they? Useful, yes, when they're being friendly. Offensive, also, when they're not. And goddamned annoying whenever anyone except you yourself are using them. It should be nigh-on illegal for anyone to perform any transaction longer than a simply enter pin, select cash, no receipt, OK, take card, take money, go. Why they built such inane options in as print statement, or the ability to put your card in twice in a row without receiving a fatal electric shot, only Lord Banker knows.

Anyway, in recent times, they've become more "fun". They speak Cockney, some of them.

Darryl C: legitimately smugTo some, the Poorhouse has something of a reputation for miser-like tendencies on certain items, allegedly. Or let's put it nicely: frugality. Anyhow, despite having a brother with the same name, he has been wholly outdone in the awkward realm of birthday cards (good? pointless? appropriate? silly pre-written message?) by these guys: Darryl and Dan Culberson.

The brothers have been saving money every year...exchanging the same birthday card since 1973

And no, not one with the same picture on the front. The exact same physical piece of (yellowing) card has been swapped between them, twice a year, for significantly longer than the Poorhouse has even been alive. Why didn't we think of that one?

As part of the not-particularly New Year's resolutions, and more importantly, because it is expensive plastic tat manufactured by Nintendo, the Poorhouse felt inclined to invest in a Wii Fit system some months ago. And guess what...the regime continues, with fairly-near daily usage. Impressive, no?! It has to be said that there haven't been new crowds of fan marvelling at the new He-Man like physique, but presumably it can't do any harm to try and fitten up a bit.

You may recall - if you have the memory of an elephant and actually read anything around here - the Poorhouse's distaste for the idea of the Bacon Bar, a chocolate bar with ingrained bacon. The thought at the time was to take 2 of the sublimest tastes known to humanity, inappropriately combine them into one product, and then have a cheek to sell it at £2 per ounce, was an outrageous waste. Cognitively, it still seems that way.

However, since then, the Poorhouse has great reason to thank Stu of Crazy4Flavour, the UK distributors of "Bacon Salt" who has inclined the Poorhouse to confront his prejudices and give it - or rather a bargainous equivalent - a go.

Vice-like it may be, but the Poorhouse is always up for a flutter - especially when he always wins. However, the below might be the finest sure bet he's had the pleasure of placing.

Funny product names are always to be included in the purile pit of juven-humour seen to be floating around the Poorhouse, but it's not always the case that they a) are not unfortunately-named foreign imports, b) have TV ads, and c) are related to some of the most sensitive of health subjects.

Check this:

Chocolate. Oh yes. Bacon. Oh yes. Bacon chocolate? Oh no.

Yes, of course someone had to make that probably-foul leap. What is the food world coming to? First the Poorhouse's once-vegetarianly inclined nearest and dearest start to eat guinea pigs with faces on, and now some twonk is breaking with the tradition of serving unhealthy but yummy evil in seperate courses by shoving bacon into chocolate.

Here's Mo's Bacon Bar.

You can only buy it in one UK shop, Selfridges, and you can't buy it quite now as it sold out within 48 hours of launch, but stocks no doubt will be replenished should you need it. Best save up though, it's £5.99 for 3 ounces. Substantially more expensive than the not-quite-so-revolting-sounding but still rough "Chilli Chocolate" the Poorhouse once saw in the local Home Bargains.

Says a fancy foodie working at Selfridges: it's "a real explosion of flavours". Maybe, Ewan, but not all explosions are good, are they? Just ask the anti-terrorist squad.

We can blame a company called Vosges Haut-Chocolat for this, and many other boke-creatingly poor creations - chocolate with lumps of mushrooms in anyone? Curse them for involving the word "enchanted" in the product title, conflicting the Poorhouse's lust for the more mind-bending things our Lord God Creator thought to bestow on us with his distaste for people deliberating ruining otherwise beautously edible things (yes, this from the Poorhouse whose raison d etre is essentially the thrill of the chase pursuing battered cheese).

Haven't we all at least once felt "if only the contents of my pockets were made of cold meat?". Of course. And thus, to your left is various gadgetry modelled in filthy disgusting animal flesh. Yum.

(stolen from engadget, ta.)

The Poorhouse has a penchant for games and gambling, and where better to combine than poker? Actually, so far, online poker doesn't appear to have quite the fun that real live poker does, but it passes the time better than say an extended GMTV session, plus you can make money. In theory. If you're lucky. Unlike certain forms of betting manipulation, there's no guarenteed wins to be had (that the Poorhouse discovered yet anyway), but there is a quick way to profit in the cash value of items if you're into poker at all.

2plus2, publishers of poker books, have an offer where if you sign up to a poker site and complete certain obligations you get to pick 5, count 'em, 5 books.

So the verdict is in, and the Obama & Biden (Biden? Who's he?) dream team are in, with the biggest democratic vote % in, erm, lots and lots of years - 364 vs 162 electoral college votes, and 52.5% vs 46.2% of the popular vote. Whoop. But that's still no license to let Palin ride easy. After all, she may not be on the verge of presidency any more - well, not for 8 years or so, but she still is in control of something one imagines.

Let's laugh at her for a bit. A couple of comedians from Quebec managed to get on the phone to Ms Palin her very self, and using their best dodgy French accents made out that they were indeed President Sarkoz. He runs France, for any non-Europeans. Check it: