Serious stuff

How I made nearly £50 in 15 mins of clicking

In the course of potential future-avoidance of any sort of future tedious grindstones known as "paid employment", the Poorhouse is gratefully experimenting with any sort of half-dodgy webdeal to raise a quick buck. A couple of days ago, one such plan came up trumps, and a swift 15 minutes of so of quite fun web-clicking raised £45.88. And - apologies for sounding like nothing more than a filthy spam-merchant - there was no risk involved, other than the ability to have some self restraint.

Here, for your delectation, is how to do it.

Get extra money for what you already do

In these days of Internet capitalism there is nothing better for a greedy web-author than a surfeit of rich visitors being sent to your site to spend money on your things. As such, websites regularly advertise on each other in arrangement that if website A sends a visitor to website B, B will pay A a small amount of cash. This is lovely for website A, but not so good for you unless you own the website A. Unless you play the referrals game.

Now go and look at Quidco. Here, hundreds of referral links are set up for numerous different product types, ranging from electronics to books, holidays, games, gambling, insurance and much much more. Every time you go to the site through them and make a purchase (or in a couple of cases just visit), Quidco receives money from the site in question. The difference with Quidco is that they pay the money to you either by Paypal or BACS bank account transfer. How pleasant.

Even bigger bigger burger

It has been brought to the Poorhouse's attention that it is unfair to highlight such corporate evil-doers as McDonalds and Burger King as the only sellers of ridiculously death-inducing burgers (*). Let's take a look at the Denny’s Beer Barrel Pub.

A while back, they offered an immense 6lb burger, supplemented with a mere 5lbs of unspecified "toppings". It also comes with a three hour eating time-limit. This challenge was first conquered by "a 100-pound female college student". Yes, she ate a burger weighing more than a tenth of her entire body weight. Special prize? A certificate, t-shirt and $23.95 refund - which could naturally be put towards any forthcoming hospital bills.

Passsport non-control

Lookalikes?Lookalikes?In these post 9/11 days of increased airport security where wearing a foreign-looking t-shirt or carrying a bottle of coke is enough to get you banned from a flight, you might think it was kind of hard to go a-flying without some vaguely accurate declaration of who you are being requested.

Not so for Mark Coshever, a 29 year-old businessman who was flying from Luton to Amsterdam via easyJet. He passed through the full security process at Luton successfully and all seemed well with his journey. Until he arrived at Amsterdam passport control that was, where he suddenly realised he was travelling under the wrong passport. More specifically the passport he got on the plane with was Alicia Coshever's, his 2-year old daughter.

Cheaper railway station food

What's the most expensive commodity in the world? Diamonds? Platinum? Illegal drugs? Erm no, it's probably railway station food. £10 a glass of water, £20 a Mars Bar, taking advantage of stranded and most often delayed passengers is a profitable enterprise.

Try to reclaim a tiny amount of your hard-earned cash without dying of starvation and dry-mouth with the Bite card. Flash it around Upper Crust, Millie's Cookies, Delice de France and all those other ridiculous pseudo-"European" food-shops for a 20% discount.

Evil and inhuman?

Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.

Quiz: Which patently public figure said that a few days ago? Clue: They don't work for the Daily Mail, or have the surname Kilroy-Silk however unlikely that might seem.

Arabic language banned on aeroplanes?

The hysteria about terrorists making bombs out of liquids (which probably could only actually happen in a movie anyway) on British flights to America may have died down a little. Sadly the media-enhanced racism, if that's the right word, which consists of the assumption that anyone looking vaguely dark-skinned is clearly about to blow up a plane has not.

A 2-minute websearch throws up several instances of such incidents including those committing the crime of looking kind of non-white whilst being musicians, moving seats and making phone calls, being an Arab with an Arabic name, looking pretty scruffy and not wearing flipflops, all despite clearing heightened airport security procedures along with everyone else. These are just a few of the incidents that made the news which most likely isn't even nearly most of them. And now a new aspect of the "war on terror" rears its ugly head - the WAR ON T-SHIRTS.

We know you'll give birth to a criminal

Britain's messianic Prime Minister Tony Blair is big on removing anti-social behaviour from UK society at large. This of course is a worthy goal (depending on one's meaning of antisocial - yours might not match his) and in a recent interview Blair reveals he would like to redefine "early intervention" to begin dealing with it earlier than ever.

Using near-psychic abilities he feels he can predict who will be a menace to society before they are even born. Some sort of "action" can then be taken to save their nearly-born babe turning into the next mega thug. At its most optimistic best, it might sound like a nice plan. However there are some potentially terrifying consequences.

nRich someone else - part 2

Avid well-or-unwell wishers of the Poorhouse might be wondering what happened to part two of the Great nPower Outrage - the reception of an electricity bill from a company I never used for an amount of electricity I could never have possibly used - namely £8030.53. Those who know nothing of this but for some reason want to should catch up on part 1.

Even sillier sized burger

Just a few brief months after McDonalds released their entirely unnecessary but accurately named "Bigger Big Mac", it seems Burger King have raised the stakes even higher. About 3 times higher.

Yes, in a way similar to how Gillette now sell razors with 5 million blades on ("for added smoothness"), Burger King have brought out a 4-burger bun (for added lumpiness). Christened the "Stacker Quad", for now it's only available in America, but that's not to say it won't be with us in the UK soon. A close examination shows that it's not only the beefburgers that appear in excess.

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