The Poorhouse got all excited once his regular news search for perversions in Sheffield (the Poorhouse's special place, rather than a consequence of his deep love for ex-industrial spoon-making towns) popped up with a nice result or too. Who wouldn't read on and feel a level of local pride upon reading this?

...one of a range of odd items medics in Sheffield have had to remove from people's backsides or genitals.

It's good to be famous for something.

Here's a nice snapshot of a town in Turkey, famous for mostly for its position on a particular river and its oil-producing nature. Not sure if it's top of the 10-places-to-see-before-you-die tourist list but it has been described with such delightful descriptions as "historical glory", "natural richness" and "magnificent". Actually its position and trade isn't why its at all famous really. It has a funny name: Batman.

But we shouldn't mock, and certainly the novelty factor has grated on the nerves of its mayor, one Hüseyin Kalkan.

We all know we're supposed to eat 5 portions of fruit n veg a day right? But do we know what fruit and vegetables actually are in order to actually give us a decent chance at fulfilling said obligation...? According to a recent survey, no we don't. Check it:

One in five [parents] thought that fruit-flavoured sweets, spaghetti hoops and orange squash counted towards the daily target.And although one in ten believed Jaffa Cakes, chips and cola contributed, one in 20 thought oranges or bananas didn't

Haven't we all had that embarrassing phone call with tech support? "Hello user, please tell me your password so we can proceed.". Aside from some rather immense insecurities that often come with such a request, it seems that in at least 77.3% of the time, the password you have to go is something to the effect of "[COMPANY YOU'RE SPEAKING TO]-is-shit-01". Best, of course, done when it's the helpdesk of the company you "loyally" work for. Well, it'd be awkward if you cared, the Poorhouse guesses.

Apparently, some people do.

Mayor Molony: attracts the unattractive

Stereotypical Australia isn't exactly known for its female-respecting culture. The mayor of Mount Isa over there is not doing his best to improve their reputation. But it's all in a good cause: satiating primitive male desires whilst bring a smile to the (ugly) face of love-non-stricken laydeez.

Mount Isa is a "testosterone town" full of male miners. In fact, there's about 5 men to every 1 women out there. Annoying, and not great for the reproductive prospects of that town either the Poorhouse is sure. So, what's the solution?

Readers of recentish news, both proper and tabloid, will be aware that the UK is suffering a profusion of stabbings amongst the younger members of the population. Now some may question at this stage as to how much of this is real, and how much a classic moral panic (or possibly that it is becoming more frequent in London, which as UK-peeps will know often seems to be centre of the news), but without a doubt some kids are stabbing other kids with knives. In fact at the time of writing one such story is on the BBC news ticker. This is not good.

But now we (well, at least the 8 million daily readers of the Sun) know why they do it. What else has risen alongside the increase in southern knife-crime? Why, Facebook usage of course!

Whilst doing his usual hardened research into what substances can be semi-legitimately used to water down beer should his nearest and dearest get a bit too greedy, the Poorhouse came across a fabulous booze study. Any study whose published write-up includes:

Our first three experiments were conducted at two local pubs: The Muddy Charles and The Thirsty Ear.

can't go far wrong.

Guess what story the Poorhouse has been saving up all these months? Surely something amazing after such a break, no? Well of course! It's time for a game of guess what bit of the body this is. Warning, from reactions gained from real-life associates upon mere discussions, the following may not be suitable for meal time.

Flavour-tripping parties...they sound fun, if a little illicit, don't they? They're a recent fad as seen is such fashionista parts of the US as New York and San Fransisco. The deal is you turn up, eat some "miracle berries", and then go through your host's fridge eating even the most apalling sort of edibles relying on the afore-mentioned magic fruit to make them taste like sweet sweet nectar.

Sounds suitably implausible, the Poorhouse agrees. But it seems to be true...miracle berries do have a ridiculous name to be sure but they're nothing new. Documented a few hundred years ago and with a slightly more scientific name of Sideroxylon dulcificum or Synsepalum dulcificum they have been used for centuries by Africans native to the part of the world they traditionally grow in.

Big stories here and there for a while about John Darwin, a guy who faked his own death, even to his kids, in the name of future insurance fraud. But the most useful thing that the Poorhouse learnt from this came from an article in the Independent.

The jury was told that Cleveland Police accessed John Darwin's Yahoo account and found a total of 1,012 emails, of which 923 were unread. Police rules meant officers could only look at the 89 opened messages.