Don't recycle things you don't own

Who doesn’t love "corporate social responsibility"? Yep, CSR, that token greenwash effort a lot of companies try to pretend that they actually care about yourself and the environment nearly as much as they care about the bottom line.

As such, it wasn't that surprising to be sent the following email, anonymised a bit in a vague attempt to prevent the source from job-loss.

From: Press Office

Recycle Your Phone and you could win a spa break!
XXXX goes green!

In an effort to raise even more vital funds for the BHF, de-clutter homes and help the environment we are encouraging all [employees] to go green and recycle their old mobile phones.

There are around 60 million redundant mobile phones in cupboards and drawers across the UK - enough to stretch along the Great Wall of China five times!

Your support over the last two years has been fantastic – thank you! By supporting the phone amnesty you’ll not only be raising even more vital funds for the BHF but helping the environment too! PLUS one lucky respondent will win a luxury spa break for themselves and a friend by entering the Free prize draw.

All you need to do is simply pick up a freepost envelope from XXXX, pop in your old mobile phone and put it in the post - it’s that easy! For every phone recycled the BHF will receive £3.50!

Recipient X therefore got in a massive ball of excitement, thinking of all those wonderful chances at spa-winning that would be his with the sheer number of phones he could send in. A handful of minutes later, all packaged up and ready to, the vast majority of his plans were thwarted.

From: IT Department

Hi all
This does not apply to Company phones that XXXX have provided.

IT Department

Imagine the shame as Recipient X had to give back all those lovely Blackberries et al. he’d stolen from his colleagues. He even had to unpackage his own company-provided phone from its fate at the great phone-crushing plant in the sky, thus minimising spa chances that much more.

Furthermore, naturally the CSR greenness had provided a huge inspiration to, no doubt, all the employees. Recipient X was well on his way to earning his bonus having that very minute dispatched his company computer to a community IT re-use project, dumped the contents of his in-tray into an environmentally friendly paper recycling bin and melted down his office keys to provide spare metal for new tin cans. Oops.

Shame the clarification didn’t come slightly earlier - whoever could have guessed that the company wouldn’t want their employees to throw away a stack of expensive equipment that they never owned in the first place?


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