Goats are good

In a week tediously dominated (according to UK mass media) by the largely pointless childish squabbling of our political rulers in the (New) Labour party as to who is the biggest bestest tyrant of all, it was with great pleasure that the Poorhouse received some breaking goat news.

The species has famously been applauded for its firm, if over-violent, way of dealing with menacing trolls. It seems they have yet more virtuous talents, namely maintaining speed limits in the dangerous world of automobile driving.

When caught speeding on a Canadian road, a rule-breaking gentleman claimed he had a good excuse for doing so. Namely, that he felt compelled to zoom zoom zoom in order to make the most of his presumably new-found "ability to go faster without risking hitting a goat".

To sum up:

Absence of goats = danger.
Presence of goats = safety.

However, some suspicion was cast upon the driver in question in so much as the police spokesman claimed that not only was it the first time he heard a goat-related excuse, but that he's never seen a goat on the road in 2 decades worth of patrolling.

Not everyone has been long-time away from "Capra aegagrus hircus". Over in Sudan, Mr Tombe was caught "on the back of a goat" in its most euphemistic sense. Sprawled over, wiggling away, he was shocked by the sudden appearance of the goat owner and fell right off.

To avoid involving the police, he was taken instead to a council of elders. After sitting and thinking about suitable punishment, they elected a rather unconventional penalty. Rather than say the up to 2 years imprisonment such an offence causes in the UK under the Sexual Offences Act 2003 (which it must be said is specific enough to allow zoophiliac versions of Bill Clinton to get away with their acts) they went with the option of making Mr Tombe marry the goat.

No more would he live in sin, no more would his family say "it'll never last". Now they will be united forever, albeit 15,000 dinars poorer thanks to the mandatory dowry payment.


So happy

so pleased you liked the goat news, can I be the official Poorhouse goat correspondent please?

Yes you may

Readers - please give a round of applause for the latest member of Poorhouse staff, Kat the Goat Correspondent. A triangle with your name on is being produced as I speak so you can firmly place it on your luxury, (vegetarian) leather-coated desk.

The Kat was the source of the article I am honoured to say, and given she has publically named herself, hence opening herself to great scandal, I think it fair to confirm. In fact thanks to her you can expect yet more goat news in the next few days. Her knowledge of goats is clearly second to none, even though they are - gasps - not her favourite animal.

The Poorhouse, and the world at large, remains in your debt.

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