Guess the bodypart

Guess what story the Poorhouse has been saving up all these months? Surely something amazing after such a break, no? Well of course! It's time for a game of guess what bit of the body this is. Warning, from reactions gained from real-life associates upon mere discussions, the following may not be suitable for meal time.

<Rolf Harris>Can you guess what it is yet?</Rolf Harris>. Well it's easy to be fair, just minging. It is the Poorhouse "hard as" nail.

Massive athlete that he is, the Poorhouse suffered a sports injury in the activity of ski training. As much as it was obviously due to rescuing small children from polar bear attack whilst triple ski-jumping over 23 buses, it probably also had something to do with inability to judge the correct time of century to cut one's toenails. Apparently, skiing exacerbates the natural progression of pain (or, in one person's case, fame) that comes from too much nail.

All seemed well at first, minus toepain x 10. The day after though, the two biggie toenails went messy black. Yum. This was not standard dirt, more filthy espousal of under-nail blood. It didn't get better. Instead, one nail seemed to be literally coming apart at the seems. Fast forward a bit, including sessions of net research leading to a surprisingly low amount of paranoia compared to the average "medical" web search, and weeks or maybe even months later little had cleared up. One was getting cleaner to be fair, but also rather less hinge-fastened and more corpsey yellow dead nail ming. Think of those 90s adverts for toe fungus.

Miraculously one was still growing. Strangely enough, that was the one that one fine day was no longer there. An extensive search of the room revealed the object d'art having secreted itself amongst the carpet dust - now presented on this very page for your viewing pleasure!

In good news, it turns out that whilst these shenanigans were going on, the Poor-foot was magically generating a new toenail, kind of. So under the hard waggly crud of the prior nail, the miracle of nature occurred; only rather than introducing another pointless life into the world, the Poor-toe was gaining a replacement protection device. OK it's not going to make Heat magazine's finest flip-flop feet beauty of the year just yet, but its nice to know there is reason to believe it's worth keeping hold of the foot nail cutters for at least a while.

As scien-terrific proof of this for you doubters, and not at all just to make you feel even sicker, here's a glamour vid of the other flexible friend Poor-nail to demonstrate the process of regeneration taking place under the warm safe comfort of the elder shell. Witness the magical glory of the (slightly hairy) foot that has six nails. Mmm.


PS: as an update - this video was taken a couple of weeks back...and the nail is still attached, only danglier than ever. Sky News is battering down the door of the Poorhouse for an exclusive as I type.


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