Modern art needs your donation

Modern art is a curious beast. A nice painted landscape just doesn't cut it any more. No, you need something more like Tracey Emin's famously filthy bed or Hirst's bits of dead animals stuck in formaldehyde to gain kudos in this day and age. Indeed it seems a terrible travesty happened last year when the Turner Prize was actually won by Tomma Abts - an artist who actually does paintings, albeit ones where "the internal logic of each composition unfolds forms are defined, buried and rediscovered until the painting becomes 'congruent with itself'" rather than delightfully represents your pet dog.

Fear not though, the weirdness is still out there. What, in the name of art, do you think the illustration to the left is?

Why of course, you're right. It's a Spermcube. Well, a mini 1-litre version of one.

"What's one of those?", the Poorhouse hears the ignorant hoi-polloi ask in disgust. It's quite simple. Artist Philippe Meste has a nice transparent cube dimensioned one metre each way, sitting on top of a freezer. He intends to fill it up with a cubic metre (or around a ton, if you prefer to work in weights) of Spermatozoon - aka Sperm, aka manjuice and a whole lot of other non-reproducible euphemisms.

Instructions: Less complicated than Argos flatpack furnitureInstructions: Less complicated than Argos flatpack furnitureThere is one slight problem of course. As dedicated as he is to the task "at hand", the cube isn't going to fill itself up. With that in mind, he's inviting you, esteemed reader, if you're of the male persuasion to donate your liquid wares to his cause. Email him at spermcube at to request your very own discrete donor kit. Fill it to his satisfaction using the instructions reproduced to the right (which it should be said may have been marked NSFW if it wasn't such a worthy artistic and educational cause) and mail it back to him. Nice.

But if you're incapable - or for some strange reason reluctant - of performing that particular action, you can still get involved. The object d'art is claimed to be worth at least 100,000 Euros (approximately £67000). And, embracing the spectacle of capitalism, he's selling shares for 49% of that. Obtainable via Paypal in denominations of 5, 20 or 100 Euros not only can your proudly claim your partial ownership over the sticky cube for a mere investment of £3.37, but you'll get a return on any profits that the sale of the Spermcube makes. Whether this will make you a millionaire is as yet of course unknown.

Slightly disturbing photos of Spermcube-based events so far are available in their online gallery.


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