Parents and Doctors were today warned to be vigilant following a recent outbreak of childhood Transformatitis infections.

Originally a disease of the early 1980s, Transformatitis has steadily returned over the last few years, with medical experts predicting 30 new cases occurring in the last 2 weeks alone. The first cases of the disease were discovered in France by undercover health reporter M. Leclerc who declared in astonishment "Zut alors! Zer's robots in zeez guys!" The recent increase in cases is attributed to a decrease in the number of children being inoculated with the MMR (Minimizing Motor Robots) jab: Many parents refused to have their children immunised after a much publicised study two years ago that showed a (now discredited) link between the MMR jab and Autobotism.

During a Transformatitis attack, children (usually boys) rapidly and spontaneously metamorphasise into a car, truck, plane, helicopter or van. Although Transformatitis mainly affects boys, girls can also be infected. One doctor told researchers that he had seen an eight year old girl turn part way into a pair of GHD Hair Straighteners.

Professor Mike Hunt, an expert in retro childhood diseases, says "It is clear we are in the grip of a nationwide Transformatitis epidemic. It's very depressing. Have we learned nothing from the 1984 Rubixcubism outbreak?"

Amongst the families affected is that of Jean Pike, (35) a mother of two from Taunton, Somerset. Here she describes the moment that her 5 year old son Jake succumbed to the disease:

"I knew there was something wrong when I heard a metallic clunking noise coming from the kitchen. I opened the door and there he was - his little hands and feet had become wheels and his face...He had headlights...Five minutes later and he was completely transformed into a scaled-down Renault Megane. Then he started to zoom around the living room."

She added tearfully "I have to keep him in the garage because he keeps leaking oil. The worst thing is he's started calling me a DeceptiMum and saying I must be destroyed."

Although Transformed children can be kept 'ticking over nicely' by their Dads, and in some instances customised (also known as 'pimping') most cases sadly end in mechanical failure.

Despite the bleak outcome of the disease, some experts remain optimistic. Dr Barry Archevil has pointed out some of the benefits of having a child affected by Transformatitis, saying "How many parents would love to have the opportunity to pimp their kids and fiddle with them in the garage?"

Contributed by Dr. Puss.