No surprises there then - office workers hate each other

Office labourers! Prepare to be shocked. See that sweet, innocent, charming old lady sitting next to you who spends all day chatting about rainbows and bunnies to you, in between handing you replacement staples? Well, the sad truth is there's every chance she hates you.

In what can, in the Poorhouse's experience anyway, only be termed confirmation of what you already knew, a survey of 2500 office workers by jobs2view has determined that, really, there ain't a lot o' love floating around in your average bureaucratic paper-shuffling 9-5 building.

Some key stats:

  • Over 40% of workers do not get on with at least one of their colleagues
  • Nearly 10% of workers hate the person that sits next to them
  • Nearly 33% of workers have quit their jobs due to not getting on with colleagues

And when it says colleagues, don't be under the misconception that it's all jealous "I hate my boss" type stuff. A mere 20% of office staff in Britain can't stand their manager.

The main reason given for all this dislike is co-worker laziness; this apparently being the biggest fault in their most hated co-worker. There are a fair few other niggles though causing that wonderful, pointless, office tension - staff that talk too much (40%), exclusion by office cliques (>50%) and two-faced being friendly only when it suits type malarkey (57%).

The latter could really be a sign that you're the hated one though, as over a third of the British office workers surveyed have, in order to avoid dealing with an office torturer, deliberately pretended not to hear them when they have clearly been spoken to. 60% fake being super busy (this would be much easier if Facebook looked like real work) and 35% have, hilariously, gone out of their way to make fake telephone calls to nobody just to avoid an impending face-to-face conversation.

66%-odd of office workers clock-watch big time, seeing nirvana as being the part of the day they can wave goodbye to their colleagues for a few hours, and a full 25% of staff think their work suffers due to the sheer irritatingness of their co-workers. Unsurprisingly, given the above, 59% of the people surveyed refuse to socialise with their co-workers outside the office, although a third half-wimp-out by saying yes to invites and then coming up with plus de excuses when safely out of co-worker arm reach. To be fair, you were probably only invited out of duty anyway.

This not being the most private of websites, the Poorhouse has of course absolutely no comment on this matter.

What we do want though is ideas for colleague-revenge. Sometimes someone is just so god-damn annoying / evil / witchlike in a bad way that severe but anonymous punishment needs to be doled out. Ideas welcome. The best yet heard from a friend of the Poorhouse is to urinate in the office kettle, and remove the device that stops it when it has boiled. Flick on the power and sit back and wait for clouds of poisonous, poisonous fumes followed if one is lucky by a wee-explosion. The only problem with that is it is a little undirected, although the Poorhouse is happy to take a little collateral damage if that's what it takes. Anyone have other ideas?

Note: Yep, Jobs2View is a recruitment agency type place so could be argued has an agenda to promote workplace discord...however the results fit accurately enough in with the real-life experience of the Poorhouse to be at least a bit credible. No information is known on how people were selected, questioned and so on, but hey, who doesn't trust GMTV to relay the latest accurate scientific research verbatim?


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