Welcome to the Poorhouse - a pointless bloggy site with news, views and opinion on stuff.

Bakers and prawns to make you smile

Grr...Tuesday morning blues. Fear not, the Poorhouse is here to save you with the two funniest jokes of the moment. Best (and most surprising) of all, they're really quite clean. Well, relatively anyway, and not at all NSFW. Thanks to those who informed the Poorhouse of them

Here's the short one:

"Why did the baker have brown hands?"

Join the search for Steve Fossett

Steve Fossett, adventurer and record-setter extraordinaire in the world of balloons, aeroplanes, boats etc. al sadly went missing early last week. Last seen taking off on what would be expected to be a nice easy little jaunt for him, he has at this point not returned.

As might be expected, a stack of search-planes et al. are out looking for him, but even if you don't have a pilots license, any money, or anything other than a connection to t'internet you can help the effort.

Who moved my Blackberry? Where fiction is reality

The Poorhouse has just been thoroughly enjoying reading a book (yes, a book, no need to die of amazement) called "Who Moved My Blackberry(tm)?", allegedly written by fake Financial Times columnist Martin Lukes.

To lazily quote the back of the book, it describes "a year in the life of an A-playing brand ambassador suspended halfway up the corporate ladder. Must be read with a can-do headset". Yep, this book, detailing the manifold output of Martin's Blackberry is compulsive reading for those of us still unlucky enough to be messing around in the world of corporate nonsense. It is also hilarious, mainly because - even moreso than The Office - it is absolutely true.

Converting postcodes to longitudes and latitudes via Mappoint 2006 in VBA

The Poorhouse recently had to convert thousands of UK postcodes into their equivalent latitudes and longitudes. Much as atlases plus rulers are fun, it got tedious quickly. Luckily there was a copy of Microsoft Mappoint Europe 2006 lying around nearby, and it turns out it is pretty much super easy to do using its API.

Revolutionary diet technology

Unhealthily high levels of eating is a serious problem in today's world - and wherever there's a serious problem to be found there's always a solution someone's willing to sell you. Please prepare yourself for the introduction to society of what is claimed to be "America's FIRST Diet Fork" - the inspirationally named Diet Fork.

It might bear an uncanny resemblance to every plastic fork you've ever seen sold for 5p in ASDA over the past 20 years - but please leave your scepticism at the door; it is apparently "the most revolutionary breakthrough in dieting!"

Interest-free credit trickery

Sorry if it's beginning to sound repetitive around here, but banks, insurers (well, maybe not all, hey) and essentially anything to do with money of a capitalist bent seem at times to be all for screwing the consumer wherever possible. A recent experience with the finance options available at PC World has not helped change that opinion one little bit.

PC World, and no doubt all the other Dixon Stores Group clone-shops, offer 6 months "interest free credit" on goods above some value or other. This is clearly a useful service to offer, allowing those who want a product now to save up over the next 6 months in order to pay for it. But the way it works is clearly designed to trick any consumer who is not tip-top with regard to their diary management.

Horray - stop seeing those awful Facebook applications

Rejoicement! The Poorhouse has previously mentioned his distaste of massively long lame-application-filled Facebook pages, where the only interesting bit - the wall - is right at the bottom. It's a particular problem when corporate race-booking. It's hard enough to disguise Facebook as work as it is without massive colourful pirates shouting "Shiver me timbers!", a picture of a toilet roll counting how many people you peed on and the lads-mag-esque illustration that is the output of FilthBook. You know who you are.

Solution? Use your web browser to hide it all.

Done with bank charges? Now reclaim your PPI ripoffs

The Poorhouse has previously mentioned the wonders of reclaiming unfair bank charges amongst these pages. Here, the Office of Fair Trading opined that the charges for doing things like going over your overdraft limit should be more to cover the bank's cost for your actions rather than pillage you for hundreds more pounds you don't have, and many, many people managed to get significant money back from their banks as a result.

But once you're done on that, there's more reclaiming of unfair abuse by financial institutions to be done if you're a victim of Payment Protection Insurance (PPI) mis-selling. Given it is a £5 billion industry with 20 million such policies in force in Britain at the minute, and some of the mis-selling tactics seem to end up in people not even knowing they have a policy let alone what it costs them, it might well be worth your while to check.

A more honest Facebook

What, more about Facebook? Anyone would think the Poorhouse is not-so-slowly turning into a sad addict of < href="/new_words_needed_mostly_for_facebook">fooking and falking with pictures of his pals. Surely not. Well, to be fair, it does have Scrabble on it.

Anyway, this isn't actually about Facebook. More Arsebook. Enough with this nonsense about showering your beloved's walls with adulating praise for the world to be impressed by. Arsebook is "Arsebook is an anti-social utility that connects you with the people YOU HATE". Delightful.

New words needed, mostly for Facebook

We need more, better, words. Presently, for the Poorhouse anyway, to do with the spiral of pointless, potentially humiliating time-wastingness that is Facebook.

More specifically, verbs are in demand. It has been discussed elsewhere (including by the very educational Linguistic Mystic) that "Facebooking" is itself a verb. But it's very unsatisfactory, being too long-winded by far for describing a process that often takes 5 seconds but is repeated 20 million times a day per person - arguably costing just businesses in Australia a nice $AUS 5 billion pounds per year.

Syndicate content