Smelly pubs

The UK indoors smoking ban has been going on now for a couple of months and, believe it or not, pubs and clubs over here do still exist, and one assumes in a reasonable profitable manner. The Poorhouse thinks life within these venues is now more pleasant as a rule - with just annoying drunks getting now in the way of a pleasant friendly time, dentists are apparently loving it, and hey, lives might even be being saved.

Another bonus is that the Poorhouse can go for a cheeky lunchtime pint without coming back with the obvious giveaway of reeking of fags. However, it must be said that whilst the local Wetherspoons doesn't smell of smoke any more, it does smell of something, and not something pleasant.

An article in MK News - now sadly unfindable - described this new pub 'n' club smell as consisting of "stale beer, sweat, toilets, damp and even flatulence". Yum.

A few places have tried to combat this via a simple air freshener but given the lack of take-up of this obvious solution one can only assume it wasn't great. Even Glade Plugins probably have their limits.

Club Oceana, in Milton Keynes, took it one big step further. After research by their parent-company Luminar discovering that people liked smelling grass, coffee, the sea and flowers, they came up with their own scent called "Hydro-Spa". Apparently it is a "sexy unisex aroma", whatever that might mean.

They then went on to add fancy devices to their air-conditioning to get it pumping out throughout the night in order to cover up all that awful bodily odour. A true mutli-sensoral delight. Apparently they are thinking to use the technology for theme nights; examples given include a sun-screen lotion scent for Ibiza themes or chocolate and roses for Valentines' night. Sounds intriguing, if hard to imagine.

Ms Thornton, of the Craven Arms pub in Birmingham, had a different idea for her venue however. Rather than R&D some expensive custom scent herself, she popped out for a can of an aerosol called "Fag Ash", from a company who does special (nasal) effects for themeparks, museums et al. And now, a few times a day, she wanders around her pub doling out a few sprays of it for old time's sake.

For those of you thinking she's in danger of losing the punters, well, god knows what sort of weird-ass clientele she has, but apparently:

We've been trying to bring back the good old days and I've found that people do not feel like they have been out unless they go home smelling of stale cigarettes.

(from the Sun)

The punters love it, the pub smells like it used to, some of the guys sit there with their ciggies in their mouths, not lit though, they just enjoy the smell.

(from QuirkyNews)

Well, whatever turns you on.


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