Funny product names are always to be included in the purile pit of juven-humour seen to be floating around the Poorhouse, but it's not always the case that they a) are not unfortunately-named foreign imports, b) have TV ads, and c) are related to some of the most sensitive of health subjects.

Check this:

Mayor Molony: attracts the unattractive

Stereotypical Australia isn't exactly known for its female-respecting culture. The mayor of Mount Isa over there is not doing his best to improve their reputation. But it's all in a good cause: satiating primitive male desires whilst bring a smile to the (ugly) face of love-non-stricken laydeez.

Mount Isa is a "testosterone town" full of male miners. In fact, there's about 5 men to every 1 women out there. Annoying, and not great for the reproductive prospects of that town either the Poorhouse is sure. So, what's the solution?

No hard-hitting news, medical or otherwise, has come to the attention of the Poorhouse's massively insightful and genius-like brain today. This is probably mainly because he was semi-conscious working very hard most of the day. No matter, instead you can have some random ramblings, just like the Poorhouse in real life.

Firstly, how to beat Marks and Spencers currency exchange passport rule and no doubt breach international security. Imagine the situation: you need to change your currency quickish so you can get out of the country speedily. So you go into M&S' Bureau de Change and ask for £50 worth of Euros on your debit card. They say you need your passport to do this, but because you are a normal non-insane citizen you do not carry it around with you. What to do? It's raining outside, and you don't want to catch a chill.

Spam, spam, glorious spam - the Poorhouse is privileged to receive hundreds of "amazing offers" in his email every day. They tend to correspond to one of just a handful of themes, such as gambling, pharmaceuticals and, of course, what could at its most euphemistic be called "bodily enhancement".

Some might say this is quite annoying, but hey, some of the phraseology these elite sales-people use is funny enough to make up for at least 1% of the annoyance of dealing with said spam. Read on for some highlights...ummm...adults only though please, and slightly NSFW, in a textual way. They are largely along the lines of knob gags.

Tesco, the life-ruling supermarket that increasingly builds anywhere and sells anything, does of course have the token trendy corporate social responsibility ethos plastered all over its promo materials.

One such outward aspect of these amazing new policies is that of regional sourcing. In an attempt to mass-outdo the various farmers' markets, organic box delivery schemes, growing stuff yourself and other such means to a virtuous end, they have a "localchoice" option for some products.

What, more stories about intoxicating substances? Yep, but this time we're moving onto something some group of "important" blokes decided was OK, even good, for society and the individual. Alcohol. Sure, it's not a drug, it's a drink but it still mashes people's minds up in a more detrimental way than the average illegal substance; as generally agreed by even the top boffins at the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs and the Medical Research Council.

The Government has recently updated its alcohol strategy. To summarise: use the laws that exist to deal with alcohol-fuelled crime, focus on harmful drinkers and shape the environment to promote sensible drinking. Luckily the Portman Group, a group of drinks manufacturers trying to put a veneer of responsibility on their corporate shenanigans, pre-empted their announcements with the inspirationally progressive announcement that they would no longer market their deadly wares directly to little children.

Whilst in no way a fan of an over-riding nanny state (and in apparent contrast to much of the political blogosphere) the Poorhouse is far from averse to seeing a bit of regulation thrust upon greedy, harmful and otherwise unaccountable businesses from those that are supposed to represent our societal interests.

The recent ban on TV junk food adverts aimed at young children therefore seems to be plausibly sensible in principle. In fact a total advertising ban would be nice in many ways but the Poorhouse realises that's not going to happen. However with obesity et al. reaching record heights, why not stop marketers of foods that add to the health problem from trying to brainwash 5-year-olds? Nevertheless, it was with rather some surprise that the Poorhouse heard that these foods-of-evil would include milk.

No, your eyes do not deceive you. The Poorhouse has decided to try selling out for a bit and most likely, should you not be running any esoteric software to stop them, you can see some Google ads. I have no idea how much money (if any) they will bring but as per their instructions I'll find out by trying for a little bit. If successful they might stay, if not, they might go and the Poorhouse will have to turn to a life of crime. Hopefully being text-based they're not too annoying but any comments welcome.

More in the world of wild 'n' wacky experiments...first we learned how to make the world's finest bacon sandwich. Now it's time to concoct an experiment that involves making "volunteers" sit down and watch an especially filthy episode of one of the few TV programmes so bad the Poorhouse doesn't avidly watch it - Sex in the City.

A SPICY sausage known as the Welsh Dragon will have to be renamed after trading standards' officers warned manufacturers that they could face prosecution because...

...wait for it...

...it does not contain dragon.