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Hotwheels

Sadly, wheelchairs haven't quite reached mainstream cool just yet - the common image has been tarnished by mass-media broadcasts such as Little Britain rather than...well, whatever you cool kids are into these days. That didn't stop a certain shop in Sheffield, UK from usurping the infamous phrase "Don't you wish your [whatever] was hot like me?" for their store promotions. Is it wrong to find this hilarious?

The addition of the inconsistently-spelt "Don't cha" on the bottom right is just the perfect addition to sell sell sell their wares.

Bush (or lollipops) made children cry

Art, and not least political art, is often designed to cause an emotional reaction. But perhaps Jill Greenberg wasn't after the reaction she got with her latest exhibition entitled "End Times", now showing in the Paul Kopeikin Gallery, Los Angeles.

The display consists of several photographs of upset children, each entitled in a rather anti-current-US-administration way such as "Four more years", "Shock", "Awe" or "Apocalypse Now". The Poorhouse regularly wants to scream, shout and cry and shout at the actions of Bush and his seemingly at times insane neo-liberal cabal, but many people both in and outside the blogosphere object to this being deemed art. Some go so far as to claim that Greenberg is nothing but a deranged child abuser.

Do cows have regional accents?

Last month, a cow-related story swept the media-waves. It was reported that not only are the formerly-regarded human traits of lesbianism and grudge-holding potentially rife in our bovine friends, but moreover they also have regional accents.

Lloyd Green, a Glastonbury farmer, came to the fore saying "I spend a lot of time with my ones and they definitely moo with a Somerset drawl.". The mind boggles. In his view it is all down to that special relationship between owner and future hamburger - "The closer a farmer's bond is with his animals, the easier it is for them to pick up his accent.". But all is not necessarily as it seems.

Kitty fiddling

Adverts are generally nothing but mind polluting annoyances, but on occasion one that just defies all sense of good taste is hilariously dreadful enough to be worth standing in front of gazing open-mouthed at.

So what do we imagine the image to the right is an advert for? Guesses ranging from slightly extreme safety warnings for children not to talk to strangers to a further encroachment of the politco-racist BNP's "foreigners are mostly paedophiles" campaign we saw a while ago would both be reasonable answers.

Suicide is the new advertising

As part of the War On Terror, since 2002 the American Government has taken to locking up citizens of a variety of countries (but mainly of Islamic faith) in Guantanamo Bay. Kept in degrading conditions, undergoing torture now and then without any sort of evidence or trial to find out whether they are guilty of anything, it's probably not the nicest place to be.

For anyone wondering how a "civilised" country such as the US gets away with it, well they pretend all these people are something akin to a worse version of Osama Bin Laden and that all that old fashioned idea of justice, legal trials, and the idea that kidnapping and torture is wrong, have to go out of the window now. This is not a view shared by all that many people and organisations, including Amnesty International who demand that it must be closed down immediately.

Greasy monkeys

Another wonder-feature Firefox web browser extension is Greasemonkey. This addon gives unprecedented power to web surfers, and could be the bane of their life to website authors.

The deal is this: when you go to read a web page, the Internet doesn't magically transmit a photo-esque lights and sound image to your computer for display. Rather it sends a bunch of boring code, mostly revolving around HTML. The web browser program on your computer reads this code and builds up the visual representation of the page to display to lucky you - the end user. So what? Well, there is nothing to stop you altering the code before it is displayed - which is exactly what this Greasemonkey does.

Money for old pixels

1/100000th of the Tew fortune1/100000th of the Tew fortuneLackadaisical investors be gutted! Near the beginning of 2006 your opportunity to own some pixels on the Million Dollar Homepage went away…because Alex Tew, aged a disgustingly young 21 or so, sold the final few pixels on said page, hence raising slightly more than an student-fantasy million dollars. Fear not though, other opportunities for squandering your money away on pretty much nothing continue to exist.

Mr Tew's premise was to have a page consisting of a million individual pixels, and charge advertisers (or, more accurately at first, family and friends) $1 per pixel until the grid was complete, guaranteeing that their advert would exist for at least five years. Of course it's a bit hard to see what's being advertised if they only buy a couple of pixels…but it worked for him, and it is something of a piece of net-art now. Rumour has it that it may be available in poster form soon - another entrepreneurial idea from the lucky lad.

BANG!

Example of recreational cleaner useExample of recreational cleaner useIt's a sad maxim of today that not every cleaning liquid inspires a cult. One such absconder from this rule of thumb is the fantastic - even if like the Poorhouse you've never used it - Reckitt Benckiser's Cillit Bang.

Why such a silly name? Well, because apparently upon application to LIMESCALE, RUST (strangely seemingly emenating from a rubber hose) or GROUND IN DIRT amongst other such filth-objects BANG and the DIRT IS GONE. Cillit…well, who knows, but it does sound slightly dirty.

Name aside, what really grabbed attention are the wonderful adverts, starring fictional character "Barry Scott". In more recent times he has joined up with his lovely friend Jill and together they have explored new ways to use Cillit Bang. The adverts were so appalling that it initially led many to question whether they were for a real product, but it turns out they were and moreover one you can probably get at your supermarket. But there's more...

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