Christmas

The offensive ho

In the eyes of the Poorhouse, on many occasions the cry of "political correctness has gone mad" is apparently used to prefix some overt racist / sexist / homophobic or other similar statement. Now and then however a silly example does pop up showing some probably well-meaning idiot's attempt to remove offence where none was likely to be taken anyway.

For example, there's the current regulations for Santas (oops, yes kiddies, there is actually more than one Santa! But don't worry, they all love you very much) in Sydney. It seems that the traditional "ho ho ho" Father Christmas greeting is in danger of cultural removal, because it is in danger of being offensive to hos women who like to make money without even getting out of bed.

Wii-lly expensive

(Please forgive the Poorhouse for the appalling attempt at a pun in the headline)

One of the great objects of desire last Christmas was of course the new games console from Nintendo called the Wii. The Poorhouse was no exception to the trend, and all the stories about how many injuries all this almost-not-virtual boxing creates were nothing but an added incentive to get one. As ever Christmas obsessive craziness, it opened the doors to plenty of top price eBay action. Even for its packaging materials, and, in one case, for their manifold child cruelty potentials.

School teacher reveals horrendous truth

Christmas is over for another year now, so it seems the perfect time to reveal a deep, dark truth.

Readers under the age of 18 close your eyes now. For everyone else - the red-n-white Santa Claus who flies via reindeer technology to every child's house on the 25th of December to give away presents as portrayed in all ye olde Xmas cards does not actually exist.

Anyone who has at this point not died of shock or become too miserable to continue might like to hear that the Poorhouse may have committed some horrendous breach of good faith by saying that. Certainly Ladysmith Junior School, Exeter, is in the ethereal Santa's "naughty" category from this point on.

Happy Christmas

The Poorhouse would like to wish all you lovely readers a very merry Christmas and a happy new year. So much so, that there's a special flash Christmas card for you to view. For those of you who don't celebrate Christmas in any shape or form, please enjoy the holiday season nontheless. For anyone who doesn't have holidays, erm, get a new job.

Santa takes up facism

The extreme right?The extreme right?Day two of the Christmas special of unnecessary upset: after having a bit of a giggle at trees shaped like genetalia, it's time to move on to less obvious material - the politics of Santa Claus.

Modern-day capitalist-style Christmas is patently associated with what can most charitably described as "tack". The Rossmann chain of shops in Germany joined in the exploitative fun by selling no doubt overpriced objects d'art such as model snowmen, furry reindeers and little Santa Clauses.

Tasteless topiary

The Poorhouse is getting quite excited at the nearness of Christmas - the time of celebration, joy, generosity...and finding exciting new ways to offend people. Let's start with unique and special Christmas trees.

Mr Alan Parkin followed the increasingly overt and exhibitionistic trend of insisting on shoving his Christmas decorations outside his house. Sticking his 10-foot tree - described by the Mirror as his "jolly green giant" - up and enveloping it in tasteful red and white lights was a high priority. Residents in his local town of Penis Tone Penistone however did not share his jubilance at having created such an artwork.

Away in a sweatshop

Something seasonal - well, at least it's the right month. The Poorhouse wishes a very merry forthcoming Christmas to all and sundry. One rather large subsection of the population who won't be swilling back the brandy and eating stupid amounts of pudding or in any way be having a semblance of a good time will of course be those who are forced to work in a sweatshop. They will most likely still be near-slaving away for pennies in illegal, dangerous and entirely amoral conditions, to make the things us especially in the "developed" western world like to pointlessly buy throw away as often as possible, especially at this time of year.

Even if you don't want to entirely eschew your consumerist lifestyle and spend your time changing the world to free these modern-day-slaves, then at least let's remember them throughout the holiday season.

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