food

Fair tips campaign

Tipping, of the sort where you leave a few pounds extra to your nice restaurant waiter, is a kind of bizarre custom anyway in some ways. Most people doing other sorts of jobs don't tend to get tips, and you'd never really think to give your bank clerk an extra fiver if they paid your cheque in particular fast. Nonetheless, they are part of established UK culture. Also, to be fair, the kind of jobs you do expect to get them in are probably some of the most annoying, worst paid jobs around, so why not reward your server with some shiny shiny coins if they do a good job?

Well, one good reason why not is because in many cases your tip does not actually benefit the person you think you are paying. Rather, some restaurant owners actually pocket all the tips themselves and, at best, recycle it to make the sub-minimum wage they pay their staff up to the bare legal minimum come the end of the week. Outrage.

Hangovers - an all too common part of the workplace

Just to continue the sadly unsurprised-face theme of today's updates, let it now be declared that, according to a study by Norwich Union Healthcare, a sizeable amount of people turn up to work (well done)...hungover (not well done).

Their survey of 1000 employees and 250 companies found that about a third (32%) of respondents did own up to turning up to work in a hurty hurty hungover state.

"Own up" is about right, because the Poorhouse is rather surprised it's not more. Well, unless people are just taking ever more sick days...which it could well be. In the eyes of the employers themselves, more than three quarters consider alcohol to be the number one threat to employee's turning up and being healthy.

The very definition of luxury

Tesco ...it may basically own you and your planet, and indulges in an indecent amount of world-ruining evil-doing to please its share-holders whenever possible, but it seems it does share one Poorhouse trait - the concept of what constitutes luxury items.

Yes, the weekend was so fascinating it became necessary to flick through the illness-inducing nonsense that constitutes modern-day groceries just to keep the brain active. Imagine the Poor-joy when finding the "Special Occasion shelf" within the biscuit aisle. Surely this would be the nearest to heaven section available in Tesco, full of chocolate marshmallow caramel laden crunch beautiful oaty hobnoby goodness? YUM! Biscuits so tasty you could only rationally eat them on real down-to-earth special occasions, as their site claimed, must be god-damn fine, no? Well of course. The 2nd entry down on this shelf did indeed remind the Poorhouse of special times, and his agreement as to suitability is probably why people don't like to come visit all that much. See below for the glory.

600lbs of men and a plump scotch wife go hungry

It's not nice to laugh at people, especially people who for once are standing up to the evil corporations who constantly try and change things to suit, even more, their own selfish gains as opposed to us mere citizen consumers' interests. Nonetheless, the (NSFW) audio on the following complaint-call vid - regarding the international catastrophe that was the inopportune eradication of the 16oz Jimmy Dean Sausage - did tickle the Poorhouse's funny-bone a whole lot. Especially the bit where he forgets to hang up the phone at the end.


Tesco redefines "local"

Tesco, the life-ruling supermarket that increasingly builds anywhere and sells anything, does of course have the token trendy corporate social responsibility ethos plastered all over its promo materials.

One such outward aspect of these amazing new policies is that of regional sourcing. In an attempt to mass-outdo the various farmers' markets, organic box delivery schemes, growing stuff yourself and other such means to a virtuous end, they have a "localchoice" option for some products.

Disappointing times at the biscuit barrel

No-one loves dieting, but hey, how bad can it be when one of the more famous weight-loss brands nigh-on insists that you eat a whole bag of chocolate chip cookies eh? Yep, the Poorhouse recently had the pleasure of sampling some Weightwatchers Chocolate Orange Cookie Bites.

To quote the packaging, emphasis added:

The rich and indulgent plain chocolate chips with a hint of real orange combine to give these traditional style cookies an irresistible fusion of mouth-watering flavours. Such a fabulous, luxurious treat to be enjoyed at any time

Mmmm! They must surely look something like the below, no?

Sausages made of nasty things

Mmmm sausages. Or rather not so mmmm. The Poorhouse - who is a vegetarian in mind but not in body - must confess that for long term emergency meat storage, "bargainous" is a deciding factor in acquisition. Perhaps not any more.

The Poorhouse had the dreaded experience of having the contents of the ingredients label of the cheap Tesco sausages (which have been located in the Poor-freezer for, ooh, a good 8 months or so) brought to his attention. Uurgh.

Revolutionary diet technology

Unhealthily high levels of eating is a serious problem in today's world - and wherever there's a serious problem to be found there's always a solution someone's willing to sell you. Please prepare yourself for the introduction to society of what is claimed to be "America's FIRST Diet Fork" - the inspirationally named Diet Fork.

It might bear an uncanny resemblance to every plastic fork you've ever seen sold for 5p in ASDA over the past 20 years - but please leave your scepticism at the door; it is apparently "the most revolutionary breakthrough in dieting!"

The 5 second rule: fact or fiction?

When it comes to oral satisfaction, pretty much everyone knows the infamous "5 second rule".

For any readers who either are inhumanely non-clumsy or don't eat food it can be summarised by saying that if you drop your lovely delicious cream bun onto the floor it is medically, socially and morally acceptable to pick it up and continue eating it as long as it has only been on the floor for 5 seconds or less. Any more than that- if you're not prepared to throw away your hard-earned food - and you risk dirt, disease, death and derision from the floor filth getting onto your sustenance and into you.

After finishing their theses at Connecticut College, biology students Molly Goettsche and Nicole Moin wanted to do something "light-hearted and fun". Unfortunately it seems they couldn't get their hands on recreational drugs right away, so instead they decided to test the premise of the 5 second rule using cold hard science.

Is there poo in a Big Mac and other burning issues

The 26500+ McDonalds fast food burger-muck "restaurants" and their ilk do have something of a dubious reputation, including issues regarding food quality, unhealthiness, environmental concerns, employee exploitation and so on, despite many a corporatey ad-campaign to try and persuade us that all that happens on a typical day in a restaurant is that pretty girls go in for a salad - and probably not the McD's chicken salad that was actually more fattening than their cheeseburger.

Of course McDonalds likes to claim that this is mostly undeserved. To show their deep, deep love for you, the consumer, they have taken the - in many ways admirable - step of setting up an interactive website so you can "so that you can find out anything you'd like to know about McDonald's food, business, people and practices." Send in your questions, and McDonalds will answer them. All the answers are pointless corporate schmooze of course, but the Poorhouse had literal LOLs occurring simply be reading some of the ones that made it to be published.

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