Poorhouse experiments: beetroot and urine investigated

It's only been half a year or so since the end of the great grape experiment and the "flurry" of reader demand that led an investigation into future experimental possibilities from yours truly. The Poorhouse is therefore most proud to announce the commencement of an investigation. Best of all, this one involves bodily fluids.

Back to pretending to be Mythbusters then. Rumour has it that eating beetroot will turn your wee purple. But is it true - or more conspiratorial lies? Well, with help from the Poorhouse you no longer need to stop tossing and turning all night with your mind restless and agitated with such mysteries. Nor do you need to look it up, or eat one yourself. The answer lies below.

Cups of magic

Amazing new coffee makes you thin...apparently. The appallingly named "CoffeeSLENDER" has recently hit UK shores. It's a simple diet plan whereby after each meal you eat you ensure you have a cup of this magical coffee, and sit back watch the weight drop off.

It sounds a bit unlikely for sure, but to be fair the makers do give a bit of hardcore science as evidence. Certainly "normal" coffee is associated with weightloss, especially in the anecdotal world - although there seems some disagreement between ye olde wives as to whether drinking it helps or hinders weightloss. One obvious potential explanation is that as it is a proven diuretic you do lose weight, but only because you need to go urinate that extra bit more than usual. Less internal water = less weight.

Way to a man's heart

Romance is perhaps not the first word that springs to mind upon considering the raison d'etre of the Poorhouse, but dearest readers, prepare to have your world-view shattered. Upon the daily scraping of trash magazines read by the Poorhouse an article appeared, albeit rather untimely in nature, providing information revealing mystic secrets of the world of love - and finally, how to definitively get yo' man, girlfriend.

Never one to wait for an appropriate time, here's a Valentines Special edition article from...well, you'll be able to guess what magazine by the time you're done. Because the Poorhouse would like to leave at least a little mystery in the magic of eternal love you are here presented with a "fill in the blanks" quiz to play. Read, think and then press "reveal answers" to see if you would get 10 out of 10 on the love-o-meter.

N = C + {fb (cm) . fb (tc)} + fb (Ts) + fc . ta

Science time! The formula above is a recently discovered rule of life that could lead to great pleasure for a huge number of people. To establish it, 700 variations of the same experiment had to be carried out, taking more than 1000 hours for expert researchers from the University of Leeds to complete. 50 volunteers were needed to participate to gain a viable quantity and quality of result interpretation.

Care to guess what it is?

More free(ish) stuff - food and bags

A couple of righteous bargain-creating things to tell today, surfacing from the awesome MoneySavingExpert site. One will fill your belly, the other will give you both more room in your cupboards and a warm satisfaction at having tried to do something to save the planet a bit. Maybe.

Food first. There are 27 HA! HA! Bars around the country, which in the Poorhouse's limited experience do some rather tasty food. Find your local here, although if you don't live in a large-sized urban area you might be disappointed. Then print this voucher off and as long as you can persuade a friend to go eat with you before the end of April this year you can get a £5 discount, you cheap date you.

Moving on to planet-time now...

McJob McAnger

Fairly or not, the prospects (for want of a better word) of "a job at McDonalds" is a threat oft-used by parents, teachers and other authoritarian figures to get their kids to work hard at school and learn something other than dirty sports songs and push-penny. Generally taken to mean a lowly, ill-paid, career-non-progressive, insulting job that really would be a hideous pain to have to turn up to each day, the highly respected Oxford English Dictionary has for several years defined the phrase "McJob" in the following manner:

McJob: an unstimulating, low-paid job with few prospects, esp. one created by the expansion of the service sector.

McDonalds aren't impressed.

Repetitive eating

Britain isn't really internationally famous for its wonderously varied cuisine, but we get by. Apparently on an amazingly unextravagent menu of about 4 items. Research (by Loyd Grossman sauces) claims that in the average British household the inhabitants generally cook and eat just 4.1 different dishes for their whole lives.

Whilst that is at least 2 more than the Poorhouse tends to be adept at producing, it is not quite sure that the results are credible - there being at least 3 different variants of beans on toast regularly enjoyed here.

Suspect sausages

A SPICY sausage known as the Welsh Dragon will have to be renamed after trading standards' officers warned manufacturers that they could face prosecution because...

...wait for it... does not contain dragon.

How to pour your money away

In a world where due to failed political policies nearly a fifth of the whole world's population does not even have access to basic clean drinking water, what better way for Western capitalism to rub it in than to uber-premium-price what is now deemed a commodity for the most decadent of high livers?

Combining the molecular formula for water ("H2O") and one of the most annoying words to hit the English language ("bling") anyone interested in wasting their money in the most ridiculously pointless way ever should be made aware of Bling H2O.


The Poorhouse has had a long hard (albeit highly recreational) weekend, so please excuse the fact that all that is about to appear here today is juvenile innuendo. But hey, who doesn't need some of that on a Monday?

Upon entering a restaurant chain known as Old Orleans, there was a little shock as it felt like we'd inadvertently got mixed up and ended up in Guo-li-zhuang. The recommended "special" according to the menu was that pictured to the right. Yes, only infantile minds really should find that in any way entertaining but, really, having to ask for a plate of your finest spatchcock with a dollop of jerk sauce on the side is surely hard to say without even a little smirk for even a few of intelligentsia that frequent these pages. They do however provide wax crayons and paper on each table, presumably to let you draw your order if your embarassment is simply too much.

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