A home for the 'beauty-disadvantaged'

Mayor Molony: attracts the unattractive

Stereotypical Australia isn't exactly known for its female-respecting culture. The mayor of Mount Isa over there is not doing his best to improve their reputation. But it's all in a good cause: satiating primitive male desires whilst bring a smile to the (ugly) face of love-non-stricken laydeez.

Mount Isa is a "testosterone town" full of male miners. In fact, there's about 5 men to every 1 women out there. Annoying, and not great for the reproductive prospects of that town either the Poorhouse is sure. So, what's the solution?

Crude Captchas

CAPTCHAs are those annoying little puzzles you have to fill out before commenting on posts, contacting people, signing up for stuff on the Internet and so on. Generally it's in the form of "here's some mostly unreadable letters, please type what you think they might say below". We've got them here (mathematical version), we've discussed how to code them but no mention as yet on these pages has been made of their comedic potential.

The Poorhouse was cruising around...ahem...myspace (sssssh!) recently when the following image was presented. Presumably having the mind-set of a 13-year old at that moment for some reason, this caused much amusement. It had come to the point in ones' life where Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation was requiring the Poorhouse to type a word more commonly associated with Hugh Hefner's Playboy magazine into a website. Snigger snigger etc. This of course set the thought processes going (be warned, there is slight profanity after the "read more")...

Hands over your eyes kiddies

We've previously heard tales claiming factoids such as that as the less-than-innocent Bratz kiddies dolls have foul-sounding mouths. It now turns out even the audio-free world of sign language is being used to transmit awful words into the minds of our innocent kiddie generation.

The controversial children's programme of the moment is Something Special, a show featuring Mr Tumble who educates and informs the youngsters by using sign language to translate his speech as he goes around doing the sort of weird stuff these kiddy characters do. All good clean fun - the only problem is the way he joyously greets his audience. The programme makers claim his hand-rubbing hello translates to "I'm happy to see you".

Jamie Miller, who works for the Royal National Institute for the Deaf, disagrees.


Knowles: not very happyKnowles: not very happyWinter must bring out the silly immaturity in us all. First we had the rather explicit Christmas Tree, and now, with recent weather conditions, it's time for some snow sculpturey.

Poor (literally, he's one of those penniless history students) John Knowles figured it'd be rather funny to eschew the classic snowman design and make a frozen version of men's bits. He managed a 4 foot phallus, later described as "very intricately made", much to the amusement of passers-by. Unfortunately the police were less amused.

Santa takes up facism

The extreme right?The extreme right?Day two of the Christmas special of unnecessary upset: after having a bit of a giggle at trees shaped like genetalia, it's time to move on to less obvious material - the politics of Santa Claus.

Modern-day capitalist-style Christmas is patently associated with what can most charitably described as "tack". The Rossmann chain of shops in Germany joined in the exploitative fun by selling no doubt overpriced objects d'art such as model snowmen, furry reindeers and little Santa Clauses.

Tasteless topiary

The Poorhouse is getting quite excited at the nearness of Christmas - the time of celebration, joy, generosity...and finding exciting new ways to offend people. Let's start with unique and special Christmas trees.

Mr Alan Parkin followed the increasingly overt and exhibitionistic trend of insisting on shoving his Christmas decorations outside his house. Sticking his 10-foot tree - described by the Mirror as his "jolly green giant" - up and enveloping it in tasteful red and white lights was a high priority. Residents in his local town of Penis Tone Penistone however did not share his jubilance at having created such an artwork.

Evil and inhuman?

Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.

Quiz: Which patently public figure said that a few days ago? Clue: They don't work for the Daily Mail, or have the surname Kilroy-Silk however unlikely that might seem.

Boris offends Papua New Guinea

Boris Johnson , Britain's only human MP, has recently struck again. Being, unlikely as it sounds, a member of the Conservative party, previously notorious for its catastrophic leadership in-fighting, he took some pleasure in the recent Blair vs Brown battles. To quote:

"For 10 years we in the Tory Party have become used to Papua New Guinea-style orgies of cannibalism and chief-killing, and so it is with a happy amazement that we watch as the madness engulfs the Labour Party."

Unfortunately, whilst its childish nature and un-politician-like honesty was fine with the clowns in Parliament, it was not so fine with Papua New Guinea's High Commissioner in London, Jean Kekedo.

Arabic language banned on aeroplanes?

The hysteria about terrorists making bombs out of liquids (which probably could only actually happen in a movie anyway) on British flights to America may have died down a little. Sadly the media-enhanced racism, if that's the right word, which consists of the assumption that anyone looking vaguely dark-skinned is clearly about to blow up a plane has not.

A 2-minute websearch throws up several instances of such incidents including those committing the crime of looking kind of non-white whilst being musicians, moving seats and making phone calls, being an Arab with an Arabic name, looking pretty scruffy and not wearing flipflops, all despite clearing heightened airport security procedures along with everyone else. These are just a few of the incidents that made the news which most likely isn't even nearly most of them. And now a new aspect of the "war on terror" rears its ugly head - the WAR ON T-SHIRTS.

We know you'll give birth to a criminal

Britain's messianic Prime Minister Tony Blair is big on removing anti-social behaviour from UK society at large. This of course is a worthy goal (depending on one's meaning of antisocial - yours might not match his) and in a recent interview Blair reveals he would like to redefine "early intervention" to begin dealing with it earlier than ever.

Using near-psychic abilities he feels he can predict who will be a menace to society before they are even born. Some sort of "action" can then be taken to save their nearly-born babe turning into the next mega thug. At its most optimistic best, it might sound like a nice plan. However there are some potentially terrifying consequences.

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