Guess what story the Poorhouse has been saving up all these months? Surely something amazing after such a break, no? Well of course! It's time for a game of guess what bit of the body this is. Warning, from reactions gained from real-life associates upon mere discussions, the following may not be suitable for meal time.

Hard to know how to approach this product…is it a massive scam, the likes of which you’d need big big balls to even attempt, or a fascinating and medically beneficial play on the weirdness that is human psychology (and perhaps even physiology)?

Enter the cunning wonder that is… Obecalp. Yep, Obecalp. D’ya geddit?

Just to continue the sadly unsurprised-face theme of today's updates, let it now be declared that, according to a study by Norwich Union Healthcare, a sizeable amount of people turn up to work (well done)...hungover (not well done).

Their survey of 1000 employees and 250 companies found that about a third (32%) of respondents did own up to turning up to work in a hurty hurty hungover state.

"Own up" is about right, because the Poorhouse is rather surprised it's not more. Well, unless people are just taking ever more sick days...which it could well be. In the eyes of the employers themselves, more than three quarters consider alcohol to be the number one threat to employee's turning up and being healthy.

Wireless networking is clearly a basic requisite for any electrical device these days, now we all live in the future. The Nintendo Wii, for instance, would almost be worth the extra £180 even if it was exactly the same as a NES, but had wireless controllers and the ability to upload your shamefully bad racing times to the world. However, inevitably, the more devices that are on networks, the more security issues crop up; and the more devices that are on wireless networks, well, you don't even have to touch them to destroy them.

It's bad enough that people's computer networks are relatively easy to illegally access, even when certain common forms of encryption are used to prevent it. Generally, this isn't a matter of life or death. When it's hacking into someone's pacemaker though, obviously it is.

Parents and Doctors were today warned to be vigilant following a recent outbreak of childhood Transformatitis infections.

Originally a disease of the early 1980s, Transformatitis has steadily returned over the last few years, with medical experts predicting 30 new cases occurring in the last 2 weeks alone. The first cases of the disease were discovered in France by undercover health reporter M. Leclerc who declared in astonishment "Zut alors! Zer's robots in zeez guys!" The recent increase in cases is attributed to a decrease in the number of children being inoculated with the MMR (Minimizing Motor Robots) jab: Many parents refused to have their children immunised after a much publicised study two years ago that showed a (now discredited) link between the MMR jab and Autobotism.

There are a lot of nasty bad evil scammers out there, more than happy to take money of desperate vulnerable people. This is of course A Bad Thing. However now and then one comes along with such a incredulous, and perhaps even genius, scam that you have to admire them for their sheer boldness if nothing else.

The Poorhouse's favourite scam along these lines in recent times was that that Stacey and Brent Finley pulled to great success - $US 989,898 no less.

Britons be aware! Time has moved backwards. Don't get excited now, the Poorhouse is not about to reveal details of a successful attempt at Tardis-esque time travel. Rather the UK has - or should have - moved its clocks back an hour, and re-entered the Greenwich Mean Time timezone rather than the British Summer Time malarkey.

It is however very confusing, and despite assurances from nearest and dearest that it really isn't that complicated, the Poorhouse does get a little confused and feels better announcements need making in order to avoid embarrassing mistakes the day after.

Although no specific memory is held, there is every chance the Poorhouse has been called a "cockroach" in his short time on this planet so far. There is, as a study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found, at least one obvious similarity.

Both have brains that really do not work well in the morning.

Regular readers of this web-monstrosity will be aware that the Poorhouse is a little sceptical as to the reasoning and benefit behind the increasingly ridiculous drug laws in the UK. To summarise for anyone not from around here, in common with much of the rest of the world, a fairly arbitrary set of substances that people like to use recreationally are banned. If you possess them you get to face jailtime. If you possess other, often more harmful, recreational mind-benders such as alcohol you're just fine.

Office work is not only stultifyingly inefficient and mind-sapping, it's also bad for your body. For obvious reasons, if you're sitting around all day exercising only your mouse-finger you don't burn many calories. Couple that with plenty of sugary treats from the vending machines to ease the mundanity and keep you awake, and you get a risk of becoming overweight, bigstyle.

But of course, someone's invented a solution - the Office Treadmill. Designed for every average office situation, it even contains a flower vase grasper, a cup holder and pen and paper storage. How immensely practical.