medical

Sex tech

Traditionally when it comes to chemical birth-control, it's been entirely up to the woman to take the necessary pharmaceutical precautions via taking "the pill" - a tablet containing the hormones estrogen and progesterone that if taken regularly (mostly) prevent pregnancy. Equality and responsibility issues aside, the pill has plenty of side effects that prevent some women using it.

Of course there have been several attempts at making a male pill but whether through dodgy side effects, the need for long term use or just lack of demand no real breakthrough has been made.

Bum trouble

The UK celebration of the defeat-of-freedom-fighters festival (sort of) known as Guy Fawkes Day has been and gone. With it of course comes plenty of fireworks action. And with that of course comes plenty of horrific injuries - [1], [2], [3], [4] and [5] are just a few examples.

However, the award for the best injury of the day is at present, narrowly missed out on by a blown-up partridge, is awarded to a 22-year old man who managed to incur the wrath of the firework gods to the extent he suffered from a scorched colon.

Professional sickie-pulling

The workplace. No-one likes it really do they? For good reason. JimmerUK explains it, probably better than the Poorhouse could.

…we're not meant to like it, if we did it would be called 'Fun'. Phrases like "How was your day at Fun dear?", or "I can't go out tonight, I've got Fun in the morning" would be the norm.

They have gone the further wonderful step of producing a guide to getting yourself some free extra breaks from the office, based on the age old technique known as pulling a sickie.

Save yourself

Poor volunteer paramedic Roger Flux fell into bed with agonising chest pains. Sensibly, understanding the potential risk of heart attacks, his wife called 999 right away. Hampshire's Ambulance Service rushed to aid him.

Imagine his annoyance when throughout the painful spasms, his work pager went off. Dedicated to the last he (or his wife) read the message. It was an emergency callout to attend an address very familiar to Roger; namely his own home. Apparently, a patient there was suffering chest pains.

Buy your own allergy free cat

Cat: made for youCat: made for youCats are kind of nice, cuddly, friendly things most of the time, but many people suffer intentionless-harm from them. Somewhere around 2% of the population (in the US anyway) reportedly suffer from some sort of cat allergy. For anyone wanting non-Loreal style science, it is because cats have a protein allergen called Fel d 1 which appears like an evil air-borne monster via their sebaceous glands.

Unfortunately, until recently, most of the best advice to be given was to avoid them. Apparently this advice didn't go down well, as a third of the above-mentioned two percent actually kept a cat in their house anyway. A better solution was needed.

Please sponsor Laura & save lives

Readers! Please put those piles of cash to good use and go donate to Laura for her sponsored slim.

Laura, an occasional contributor to the Poorhouse, has set an ambitious target for weight-loss, so to keep her inspired to keep on track, go to the gym and eat lettuce please go give her another reason to do so. Money can be donated via the highly reputable justgiving website and you can be sure that your contribution will go to Médecins Sans Frontières. MSF is a humanitarian aid organisation that goes wherever and whenever needed to provide emergency medical assistance throughout the globe. They are just gearing up to go into Lebanon so why not send them a few pounds to help them on their way?

Accent accident

Linda Walker: ex-GeordieMany people probably consider Geordie to be a somewhat permanent not to mention impenetrable accent, it turns out that it can be "cured". Unfortunately Linda Walker recently suffered from a stroke, but imagine her surprise when she woke up to find her Newcastleish twang had been replaced with a strange mix of Jamaican, Canadian and Slovakian pronunciations.

Poor Linda is devastated, feeling that she has lost something of her previous identity. She is, however, not alone in this strange happening. Since at least 1941, several people have previously suffered from a rather rare and, until recently, unexplored condition known as Foreign Accent Syndrome.

Illness by chocolate

We all know chocolate is not exactly a healthy option, but nonetheless, you wouldn't exactly expect or desire a chunk of Dairy Milk to give you a "sudden onset of nausea, abdominal cramping, and bloody diarrhoea with mucous".

These are a few of the delightful symptoms of a Salmonella infection. An outbreak of this illness affecting over 40 people was being investigated by the Health Protection Agency when it turned out that Cadbury knew that they had a Salmonella problem in one of their factories in Marlbrook back in January. This was caused by a waste water pipe developing a leak and outputting bits of filth into the product.

Housework or death?

Life is full of hard choices. One such being whether doing hours of housework is preferable to dying. Whilst this is often taken merely as a verbal threat from one's nearest and dearest, new research suggests that it may actually be true. Ironically, given most people's thoughts on the excitement of doing housework, this has been termed by the media as "literally dying through boredom".

Men are at increased risk of this fatal blow, mainly because even in these days of supposed equality, rather than doing the housework or looking after the kids they tend to faff around doing not very much in their non-career time.

Coping with the whammy maungy

Yaaarkshire. It holds special meaning for the Poorhouse, but the extreme variations of the Yorkshire populous are without question incomprehensible. Even clever doctors think so.

Imagine the horror when some nicely qualified medical doctors from Austria turned up to help uphold the health of the region were found to be verbally paralysed due to the excessive use of Yorkshire "dialect" by their patients. According to the Guardian, "South Yorkshire also has an unusually large vocabulary for body parts, partly because of their secondary - or often primary - use as vigorous insults."

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