Toxic Smarties

Smarties: suicide pills?Smarties: suicide pills?Only Smarties have the why you suffer serious nerve damage, poor mental health, hyperactivity, skin rashes and cancer that is. No, it's nothing about the shocking radical overhaul from the beautiful classic 68-year-old Smarties tube to the new Hexatube, which in itself defeats object two of Smarties; collecting the caps. Rather the nutritional - for want of a better word - content of the sweet pills themselves.

Following claims from health campaigners that the crazy coloured additives in Smarties do all sorts of harm to children, Nestle are preparing to make them without the artificial colourings, to improve their "nutritional quality". The Poorhouse is not sure if that is a legitimate term to apply to pellets of chocolate and sugar, but assumes taking some of the poison out is nonetheless a good step.

Slight inconsistency in drug laws found

A legal drug: but why?A legal drug: but why?Well, it had to happen sometime, the only surprise it wasn't weeks ago. No, not the arrest of George Bush Jr for war crimes - yet - but rather an article about illegal drugs appearing on this website.

Whilst reading the Guardian last week, imagine the shock suffered by the Poorhouse upon discovering that the UK drug laws are apparently "riddled with anomalies". Yes, not only are the prohibitionist sides of the laws counter-productive and harmful, but even within the illogical and dangerous framework they exist in they make no sense.

Doctor, Doctor I've got a banging headache.....

An unidentified Oregon man just couldn't work out why he had such bad headaches. He sensibly went to the doctor. The doctor was baffled, until an x-ray revealed 12 nails embedded in his skull!

The nails were not visible when doctors first examined the man in the emergency room of an unidentified Oregon hospital. Imagine their surprise when X-rays revealed six nails clustered between his right eye and ear, two below his right ear and four on the left side of his head. The nails came close to major blood vessels and the brain stem but did not pierce them. They were removed at Oregon Health & Science University in Portland with needle-nosed pliers and a drill. The man survived with no serious lasting effects.

DIY laser eye surgery

Poor(er) people rejoice: crystal clear eyesight without the help of external annoying visual aids is yours to be had. "Amazingly", Dr. Amir Khadim has pioneered a device that will allow you to perform laser eye surgery in the comfort of your own home. An operation that previously cost hundreds or thousands of pounds is now available to you for under $100.

Using the Scal-Pal(tm) Scanning Adjusting Laparascopic Personal Laser, wielded with the help of No-Blink(tm) eyedrops and a few milligrams of diazepam, it couldn't be easier or less painful (although the FDA has reserved judgement as yet).

Horray for technology! Go get it at Lasik At Home.

Benny the Anatomically Correct Teddy Bear

Ribbed for your pleasureRibbed for your pleasureNo, it's not the seedy "adult toy" you're probably thinking of. Whether it is a friendly fuzzy teaching tool or stuff to inspire kid's nightmares for years is however as yet unknown. HEST of Europe has produced lovely Benny, the anatomical teddy bear. By outer appearance he's a normal child's-best-friend teddy bear. Delve deeper though and as per the illustration to this story you can view, touch and possibly even rip out Benny's oesophagus, intestines, urethra, windpipe, anus and at least another thirteen traditionally-hidden bits and pieces.

A dangerous ring

The Ring: Less effective than DurexThe Ring: Less effective than DurexTalking about your shiny new ring in the context of sexual "education" is not an acceptable topic of conversation over most dinner tables. Let's hope it stays that way.

Peppered by Cheney

VP shoots republican donor shockVP shoots republican donor shockA couple of weeks ago one of the Bush administration took their lust for shiny guns and brutal violence a little further than even usual and personally shot someone. US Vice President Dick Cheney - possibly the second most powerful man in the world - got confused between the quail he was on a hunt for, and Mr Harry Whittington, one of his pals who was also after shooting said bird.

In the words of Katharine Armstrong, the owner of the Texas ranch they were hunting on: "The covey flushed and the vice-president picked out a bird and was following it and shot. And by God, Harry was in the line of fire and got peppered pretty good".

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