the workplace

Skive-browse with impunity!

Sometimes a program is written which is just too good. It solves a problem that millions have suffered from, millions have complained about, but no-one actually had a sensible solution. Until now.

Office workers rejoice. You all know that the only good thing about sitting around fiddling with paperclips all day is that you can go play on the web now and then. If you keep it subtleish. However, even the dull news sites give themselves away by being all gaudy and animated, unlike your average tedious report or spreadsheet. People looking over your shoulder will soon see what you're up to, and a sacking may come your way. Expert work-slackers are familiar with such cunning techniques as the Alt-Tab, Alt-F4, Windows-M, and other such shortcuts which hide the visual evidence of your misdoing quicksmart. Even these though don't always work as you expect them to, and in themselves make it look like you're doing something you shouldn't, even if it is just staring at a blank screen all day.

Be a better failure

Are you feeling disastrously successful? Don't worry, it happens to the worst of us. Luckily the wonderful people from achieve-it have thoughtfully provided their top ten tips to "reach depths of failure you have possibly never imagined!" without even having to give up any of your goals.

Danger: potato alert

A new food scare is about to hit our shores, possibly called DEP*. So far the story has largely been hushed up by the media, with the brave exception of such Reuters-rerun papers as The Scotsman.

Last Friday, whilst workers were doing their stuff to vegetables at the McCain Foods factory in Scarborough, one keen-eyed potato polisher noticed a bomb shell tip in amongst the produce. Sensibly, the police were called and the bomb squad set up a perimeter 100-meter perimeter for safety and dealt with it expertly. Dramatic yes, but a happy ending...or was it?

Precarity - Just say no!

Mayday is a-coming, and with it the traditions of celebrating unity, solidarity and campaigns for worker's rights and against the exploitation of humanity by corporations, Governments and others particularly of the "free"-trade-at-all-costs brigade. The TUC is having their usual London march thing to say 'yes' to worker's rights. But for the huge number of us not lucky enough to be represented by a union in our workplace, or not even able to find a decent workplace to be employed by, the Autonomous Bloc invite you to join in in a march against insecurity, precarity and the social cost of the workplace exploitation often inherent in uber-capitalist society.

Rather than jibber on some more, below is some righteous text from the website of this mission - OurMayDay.org.uk. Visit it for more information about the event and the surrounding issues. One less day of working and one day more for us.

1 MAY 2006 :: MAYDAY PARADE
Meet 12pm Clerkenwell Green to join the Autonomous Bloc

£1 million faux farts

Probably not Ms Storer's favourite type of cushionProbably not Ms Storer's favourite type of cushionFed up of spilling hot MuckDonalds "coffee" on ourselves, new ways of exploiting the horrendous compensation culture of today have to be found. Sue Storer, ex-deputy head teacher at Bedminster Down Secondary School, seemingly has one such plan.

She is suing Bristol council for £1 million of public money due to a somewhat deficient chair. No, not what you're thinking - this chair did not suffer from a missing leg or a broken back or any such thing you might see recreated on a Channel 5 "No Win No Fee" advert. This particularly offensive specimen of seating furniture let rip an entertaining fart noise whenever it was sat on.

Faffing around - the British way of life

Britons be proud! We may not be so good at pointless tasks like propelling inflated balls into wood-framed nets and the like, but when shoved in front of the magic glowy-box-with-keyboard, we know how to make "best use" of the time that the evil machinations of capitalist slavery force us to sit at our office desk. According to a survey done by Tickbox, and interpreted in an article by The Register, the British lead the world in the sheer amount of faffing around on the Internet when they are being paid to do…well…whatever it is you're supposed to do in an office.

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