The generally appalling "Mail" brand of national newspapers in the UK is famous for just being full of complaints, anger and hatred, especially against "liberals", the poor, or minorities of any kind. It seems its readership also has this tendancy to be offended and appalled at essentially nothing.

Along the same lines as the anecdote regarding the person who went to Weightwatchers and demanded to change her goal weight because 9 stone 11 pounds reminded her too much of the September 11th tragedy too much to be anything less than uber-offensive (fine - 9 st 10lbs it is, now you need to pay £4.95 extra and lose another pound), here's a letter from "Mrs CF" - the Poorhouse would hazard a guess at Christin[a/e] Fox - getting upset at nothing in the Mail on Sunday.

Dividing people up into common categories with labels, whether ethnic, racial, sexual or otherwise, what group of people would be the most distrusted section of society in America? What group would you absolutely never vote for as a president? What group would you cry with rage should you lovely innocent son/daughter decide to foolishly fall in love with them? What group is a threat to your wholesome all-American values and way of life?

As much as the answer should be "none of them", we all know prejudice is rife throughout the world and America is certainly no exception. So in general, who does the population most find unacceptable? Jews, Black Americans, homosexuals? Maybe that Islam religion the media constantly tells you is about to kill you and your loved ones?

Wrong.

Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.

Quiz: Which patently public figure said that a few days ago? Clue: They don't work for the Daily Mail, or have the surname Kilroy-Silk however unlikely that might seem.

In case you thought yesterday's Japanese invention showed silliness (you fool), here is an entirely practical, useful and relevant-to-today tool: the Nap Alarm.

The device was invented by Kozo Samizo following a car crash, and looks like an especially ugly oversize Bluetooth headset. But no, much more usefully this device continuously monitors your head movements. Should it decide that they resemble the nodding movements that indicate the on-the-edge-of-sleep (which are apparently distinguishable between any other head movements by virtue of their "0.003 minutes speed" - stop the science talk!) the device will buzz to wake you up and furthermore "temporarily banishes the alpha waves which cause sleepiness". Apparently it's a bit ticklish too and known to induce giggles.

Griffin: Not very nice at allIt's local elections time at present here in much of the UK. Apart from "critical" seats - where at least 2 parties are relatively evenly matched in terms of number of supporters - the parties seem less than forward in canvassing our votes. The British National Party however do seem a little more keen than the rest, sadly.

From a first glance at the BNP website (if you must), you would think they are lovely chaps and chappesses, with nothing other than the common worker's good in mind. The number of usages of such "trust us" phrases such as hard working, normal and just like you is phenomenal on some literature, with only the odd headline (such as "Labour plans to sell public land to Muslims exposed" and "Can you just sit there and watch as our country is being ripped apart by the forces of multiculturalism?") giving the average reader a suspicion that possibly these aren't the nicest or most inclusive of people; but hey, the Conservatives under Howard weren't much better (*). These guys even wear nice suits damnit!

The Poorhouse would like to extend warm Easter wishes to all those who celebrate this festival whether with prayers or eggs. Having succintly failed to come up with anything Easter themed itself, the Poorhouse would like to direct you to Suki-Desu's Spectacular Easter Spectacular, which explores various scenarios that could have cropped up were Jesus to have not died up upon the cross. Using cutting edge research and visualisation tools (namely Windows Paint), many potential catastrophic events are illustrated in the finest of detail.

The Suki-Desu webmistress is also to be greatly thanked for her wonderful contributions to this very site.

Modernising the churchThe somewhat miraculous-in-itself takeover of the world by iPods comes one step closer to its fulfilment. The Pope, leader of however-many-million Roman Catholics throughout the world, now owns an iPod nano.

He popped down to visit the guys at Vatican Radio and, amongst other Vati-delights, was presented with a white iPod nano, engraved with the legend "To His Holiness, Benedict XVI". Their budget presumably not being full-to-bursting, he did have to settle for the cheap(er) 2GB one.

It is unknown at this stage whether his music collection will fit into the 500-song limit. What is known however is that it came preloaded with such classic iTracks as Beethoven, Mozart, Chopin, Tchaikovsky, Stravinsky and of course multi-language editions of the Vatican Radio podcasts. There has been some speculation that this form of filesharing is just as illegal as the old-skool swapping Metallica tracks via Napster so it is possibly the case that the RIAA will be popping round for a swift visit and arrest.

Tom and Jerry never went this farEarlier this month, a Danish paper called Jyllands-Posten printed some cartoons depicting the Islamic prophet Muhammad in a number of "satirical" scenes, including some clearly showing him as a terrorist. Portrayal of Muhammed in this way is not only distasteful, insensitive and downright foolish given the current state of the world, but is regarded by many as direct contravention of the Islamic religion.

Since then pretty much everyone must be aware that there have been many, many protests, riots and worse throughout the world. This included an unacceptably offensive one here in Britain where a handful of protesters called for the beheading of unbelievers and a repeat terrorist attack on Britain amongst other niceties. Contrary to popularly-ignorant non-Islamic opinion though, this offensive protest was essentially tiny and apparently involved some extremist groups already outlawed by the Government. A larger, peaceful demonstration against both the publication of the cartoons and the violence they inspired has subsequently taken place in the UK. Unfortunately a relatively tiny minority of violent extremists through the world are still causing death and destruction over the cartoons; they must be immediately apprehended and removed from being a danger to society.