goods and services

How to be (fake) popular

It's now not enough to be uber-popular with the cool crowd in real life; you need to be in there in the virtual world of slightly-geeky social networking too. Those with MySpace, Facebook, Friendster and other pointless profiles will be aware of the concept of friends (those who don't have such accounts may also have heard of them to be fair, but perhaps in a slightly different context). For many people your profile friends exist to make you look cool. Who doesn't want to see "You have 10000 friends" every time you log onto such a site to check your spam?

Not that MySpace people are notoriously choosy anyway, but for those who are so inept that they can't get anyone except Tom - the default friend for all new and lonely people - to be their "friend" but feel excess friends in the online world will make you look elite, pump up your ego and get you hot chicks for some reason, you've just missed out on a service to fulfil all your dreams.

McJob McAnger

Fairly or not, the prospects (for want of a better word) of "a job at McDonalds" is a threat oft-used by parents, teachers and other authoritarian figures to get their kids to work hard at school and learn something other than dirty sports songs and push-penny. Generally taken to mean a lowly, ill-paid, career-non-progressive, insulting job that really would be a hideous pain to have to turn up to each day, the highly respected Oxford English Dictionary has for several years defined the phrase "McJob" in the following manner:

McJob: an unstimulating, low-paid job with few prospects, esp. one created by the expansion of the service sector.

McDonalds aren't impressed.

nRich someone else - part 3

It's probably about time for an nPower update, no? For initial details of the "give me £8000 or get beaten up and go to court" nPower outrage feel free to check parts 1 and 2. It was left on a cliffhanger "part 3 in a few days"…and that was half a year ago. Please accept Poorhouse apologies for that, but of course it has taken all this time to actually get any more information. Wonderful.

So, do we think the problem is sorted now then - three quarters of a year after the whole farce started?

A brave claim

We all kind of know that most of the stuff that the shops in the UK capitalist society sells you is less than ideal for what you want it for, and certainly far underperforms any claim that the advertisers would have you believe. The mystery product pictured to the left however did cause intrigue within the Poorhouse. What product is so bad that it would be not just a pleasant surprise should it do what it says on the packet, but an outright "Shock!"?

What sector of consumerist rubbish-creators is so aware of its normal trash output that their "buy me" sales pitch is simply that yes, for once in your life, you're stand a modicum of chance that by buying product X you won't be entirely disappointed?

Ask a silly question

YouGov is a market research company who conducts surveys via the Internet. You may well have seen results from them published in newspapers and other media outlets. They have a pool of respondents who have signed up with them to give their opinions...and earn money and prizes. You'll not get rich quick; whilst the Poorhouse has made a bit of £50 from them, this has been over the period of 5 years or so. But if you don't mind answer a few questions for 50p now and then you might as well sign up *.

Most of the surveys are on proper serious subjects. Solid stuff. Plenty of politically-charged things (opinions on politicians, road tax and the like) or the reasonably regular, if rather tedious, Brandindex survey about what you think of various products. But no need to panic if you prefer a Heat to a (broads)heet (haha). With that in mind, the Poorhouse was - slightly irrationally - amused to receive the following questions.

A classy addition to any residence

The Poorhouse always likes to see ridiculously appalling things made, if only to laugh at both the creator and the possible purchaser. With that in mind, we thank a certain anonymous (unless they say otherwise) employee of a marketing-related firm who forwarded the below image, possibly the worst intended-to-be-a-thing-of-beauty ornament in the world?

Flatulence filtering

In a world where you can almost replace your eyes with robotics successfully (maybe) there are certain bodily problems one wonders why haven't been bred or technologised out of the human race yet.

Why is it, for instance, that now and then people will still inadvertently let rip with the socially embarrassing and nasally repulsive ejection of gas from their backside known as flatulence? Other, of course, than for comedic effect. Has no-one invented a solution?

How to pour your money away

In a world where due to failed political policies nearly a fifth of the whole world's population does not even have access to basic clean drinking water, what better way for Western capitalism to rub it in than to uber-premium-price what is now deemed a commodity for the most decadent of high livers?

Combining the molecular formula for water ("H2O") and one of the most annoying words to hit the English language ("bling") anyone interested in wasting their money in the most ridiculously pointless way ever should be made aware of Bling H2O.

Get £10+ for free (again)

Denizens of this site will be aware that the Poorhouse is no stranger to enjoying free money. It seems that Coral Games want to add to the fun.

They have an offer whereby if you have a Sportsbook (i.e. betting) account with them you can transfer some money over to the gaming room (fruit machines et al.) that they'll give you a free tenner bonus if you wager £10 yourself. Why is that good? Because some of the games only have two outcomes. Bet both ways twice - once to get the bonus, once to satisfy the withdrawal rules - and out you come in under a minute with an extra £10 minus a few pennies to your name. This works fine even if you're an existing Coral customer. Kudos to the for yet again bringing home the bacon.

Science to eradicate dirty knickers?

Incredulous news reached the ears of the Poorhouse as it turns out the US military is in danger of inventing something useful that doesn't necessarily wreck other countries; namely underwear that doesn't need to be washed for weeks on end.

Yes readers, it's news to the Poorhouse as well, but it turns out that modern day society apparently deems in somewhat inappropriate to continuously wear the same pair of knickers for 6 weeks in a row without at least some token effort at filth-removal.

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