goods and services

No more nodding off

In case you thought yesterday's Japanese invention showed silliness (you fool), here is an entirely practical, useful and relevant-to-today tool: the Nap Alarm.

The device was invented by Kozo Samizo following a car crash, and looks like an especially ugly oversize Bluetooth headset. But no, much more usefully this device continuously monitors your head movements. Should it decide that they resemble the nodding movements that indicate the on-the-edge-of-sleep (which are apparently distinguishable between any other head movements by virtue of their "0.003 minutes speed" - stop the science talk!) the device will buzz to wake you up and furthermore "temporarily banishes the alpha waves which cause sleepiness". Apparently it's a bit ticklish too and known to induce giggles.

Ooh, you press my buttons

Sexy?: Click for "enlargement"Is wifey shouting at you for spending too much time on Second Life and not enough time on her? Or is your double-hand computer action just not satisfying every last human urge? So many problems, one solution - Angel Kitty USB keyboard for the naughty geeky lover.

Yes, your eyes do not deceive you. Some clever dick has had the genius idea of combining a "sexy" maid outfit with a computer keyboard, to make a...erm...maid outfit with a keyboard situated on the prospective wearer's breast area.

Countdown to freedom

It seems that the Poorhouse isn't the only clock-watcher in the world. Upon searching for random nonsense, Countdown Clocks International were discovered. Unshockingly, from their name, they sell clocks that count down time to a specific point. A whole lot of identical clocks with different and somewhat tacky facades to be honest.

Most desirable is the retirement clock. It gently counts down the days, hours, minutes and even seconds til that part of your life when you get to start doing the things you actually want to do.

Save money

Whilst, phenomenally, reading the Poorhouse is still free, sadly not everything in life is. There are any number of ways to save money via the Internet. Maybe this topic will be revisited, but for now...online supermarket shopping.

Supermarkets are generally pretty evil. So, if you succumb to their clean, shiny, bargain items, why not at least cut down the bit of money you hand over. The Internet is covered in money-off codes. For instance if you do your online shopping via Tescos, always be sure to surf the interweb for some free money that will not only make up for any delivery charge, but actually save you a few quid compared to if you went a-shopping via manual methods. Check this blog for plenty of codes. If it fails you, do some sensible Googling for other sites, forums and blogs just desperate to give you vouchers.

Invisibility cloaks at a shop near you

Recognise him?Recognise him?Yes, it's true, a few years from now you too might be able to buy a slightly more scientific version of Harry Potter's invisibility cloak. The journal "Science" has just published two papers that give the mathematical proof that making such a thing is indeed possible, and moreover some instructions on how to go about doing so.

Of course it's all megacomplicated stuff with plenty of competing theories, and sadly there is no working invisibility cloak as yet, but the bending-light idea makes sense. One easyish way of thinking about it is to imagine a free-flowing stream of water, with a rock in it. The rock gets in the way of the water and splits the stream as it flows around it. However, downstream from the rock the water automatically merges back into one stream. Anyone looking at this converged stream would not know that there was a rock blocking the stream at all.

£10,000,000 humiliation

Big Brother 7 has started. Quarter of a year of televisual depravity that the Poorhouse wouldn't even contemplate watching a minute of let alone setting up mega complex multichannel recording schedules to avoid missing even a second of the meaningless drivel. The presence of the BB gossip headlines down towards the bottom of the right hand column of this website is...a computer error we imagine.

So they picked the 14 crazies to go in, but there's one left. It could be you. The deal is you buy plenty of Kit Kats, and find one out of a hundred golden tickets - does this story sounds familiar? Out of those 100, 1 person will supposedly get to go be a Big Brother contestant, subject to security, medical, and "will you get your boobs out" checks.

Bean tarts

Enter a brave new world of Chef Laziness. The Poorhouse is no cook; to suggest otherwise would denigrate what for many is an honourable profession. However, come Sunday afternoon, one of the world's finest delicacies - Beans on Toast - is often successfully created. Annoyingly though it takes around 2 minutes to prepare and there is the consequential washing-up of between 1 and 2 dishes (depending on methodology used).

McDonalds revealed

Big Mac: could be biggerBig Mac: could be biggerForgive the inclusion of 2 articles about weird-ass food you shouldn't eat straight after each other, but...Aha! The shroud of deceit has fallen. Seeing recent adverts throughout the media you might be forgiven for thinking that McDonalds is some ethical pro-worker environmentally friendly wunder-company that likes nothing better than feeding school children with extra-nutritious apples and lettuce at the same time as buying them footballs to keep them healthy. Well, until you entered an actual McDonalds store anyway...or read how the salad is (or for fear of being sued let's say was) fattier than the Cheeseburger.

According to an article in the Independent, it seems that McDonalds have decided to give it up and settle to the business they do best - brainwash-marketing and feeding immensely fatty bits of "meat" to whoever can afford the prices (which, sadly in this case, is most of the population).

DIY laser eye surgery

Poor(er) people rejoice: crystal clear eyesight without the help of external annoying visual aids is yours to be had. "Amazingly", Dr. Amir Khadim has pioneered a device that will allow you to perform laser eye surgery in the comfort of your own home. An operation that previously cost hundreds or thousands of pounds is now available to you for under $100.

Using the Scal-Pal(tm) Scanning Adjusting Laparascopic Personal Laser, wielded with the help of No-Blink(tm) eyedrops and a few milligrams of diazepam, it couldn't be easier or less painful (although the FDA has reserved judgement as yet).

Horray for technology! Go get it at Lasik At Home.

An expensive sandwich

A sandwich: Didn't cost £85.50A sandwich: Didn't cost £85.50Sandwiches - not a meal substitute per se, but a good way of consuming large amounts of food without any associated washing up. It is however a strange fact of life that invariably even the nastiest old cheese sandwich in damp bread prepacked sandwich has a cost at least 50 times what it would actually cost to make it. Bread and cheese that would cost micropennies to purchase separately somehow become much much more than their combined value when put together and enclosed in a plastic triangle.

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