toilet

Scientific crudity

Close-up of an arsoleClose-up of an arsoleScientific nomenclature - i.e. what top boffin scientists insist on calling things to in order to sound clever - is not known for its hilarity. Names like sodium chloride (table salt), aluminum potassium sulfate (alum) or magnesium silicate (talc) are long-winded for sure, but in no real way funny.

Fortuitously, there have been rare exceptions. Certain high-level chemistry books must be almost as funny as that joke from Monty Python that is so funny it was used as a deadly weapon by the Ministry of War.

Toilet training

Well, according to the fantabulous if extremely distasteful B3TA newsletter, this video is on half the blogs in the universe at present. As of this moment the figure is presumably ((n/2) + 1).

Click "read more" below, sit back, turn the sound up and enjoy the following informational broadcast from Japanese TV designed to help the kiddies get potty-trained. It even makes those awful "mummy look! I'm a big kid now!" adverts here in the UK seem credible.

Flatulence filtering

In a world where you can almost replace your eyes with robotics successfully (maybe) there are certain bodily problems one wonders why haven't been bred or technologised out of the human race yet.

Why is it, for instance, that now and then people will still inadvertently let rip with the socially embarrassing and nasally repulsive ejection of gas from their backside known as flatulence? Other, of course, than for comedic effect. Has no-one invented a solution?

Snowballs

Knowles: not very happyKnowles: not very happyWinter must bring out the silly immaturity in us all. First we had the rather explicit Christmas Tree, and now, with recent weather conditions, it's time for some snow sculpturey.

Poor (literally, he's one of those penniless history students) John Knowles figured it'd be rather funny to eschew the classic snowman design and make a frozen version of men's bits. He managed a 4 foot phallus, later described as "very intricately made", much to the amusement of passers-by. Unfortunately the police were less amused.

Wii wee disaster

Poor JenniferPoor JenniferA fair section of the world, quite sensibly, quite wants a Nintendo Wii. Before Christmas especially, a whole lot of people did and moreover were prepared to go to quite some effort to get one. Jennifer Lea Strange certainly was.

Now, the Wii and its magic movement-sensing controller thingies are quite famous for causing all sorts of damage both to the person and their immediate environment. However this was probably the first time it, albeit indirectly, caused proper hardcore death.

Smelly landing

Who wants another story of how post 9/11 plane travel and being the dullest tool in the box don't really go together? Why of course! Passengers on American Airlines flight 1053 from Washington to Dallas got a scare a couple of weeks ago. Partway through their flight a strong smell of sulphur appeared seemingly out of nowhere. Worried about this they reported it to the plane staff who told the pilot.

The pilot radioed it in and decided that it was not safe to continue the journey. A quick diversion to Nashville, Tennessee was made resulting in an emergency landing.

Tasteless topiary

The Poorhouse is getting quite excited at the nearness of Christmas - the time of celebration, joy, generosity...and finding exciting new ways to offend people. Let's start with unique and special Christmas trees.

Mr Alan Parkin followed the increasingly overt and exhibitionistic trend of insisting on shoving his Christmas decorations outside his house. Sticking his 10-foot tree - described by the Mirror as his "jolly green giant" - up and enveloping it in tasteful red and white lights was a high priority. Residents in his local town of Penis Tone Penistone however did not share his jubilance at having created such an artwork.

Bum trouble

The UK celebration of the defeat-of-freedom-fighters festival (sort of) known as Guy Fawkes Day has been and gone. With it of course comes plenty of fireworks action. And with that of course comes plenty of horrific injuries - [1], [2], [3], [4] and [5] are just a few examples.

However, the award for the best injury of the day is at present, narrowly missed out on by a blown-up partridge, is awarded to a 22-year old man who managed to incur the wrath of the firework gods to the extent he suffered from a scorched colon.

Toilet based creativity

With Christmas and other pagan-inspired holidays coming up, the eternal dilemma of what in the world do you get for the [insert identifier of relative/friend here] who has everything inevitably comes up. This year, it's fairly simple. There's one product that really not very many people have, but has some degree of utility for around 100% of the world's population.

After all, who hasn't sat on "the throne" in their time wishing they could shape their solid excrement into something more attractive than a bog-standard (haha) dump without getting their fingers even a bit messy?

Toilet bomb

What is it about iPods and toilets? This site has previously documented a connection via peripherals, but now brace yourself now for a story that involves iPods, toilets and everyone's favourite bogeymen - potential terrorists.

Last month, on a flight from United aeroplane flight from Chicago to Ottawa, everyone's worst nightmare happened. The toilet got blocked. The stewardesses called out in panic "There's something in the toilet that's preventing it from flushing. Run some water!". That last desperate attempt didn't work, so she stuck her face and hands into the bucket of people-filth for a more manual attempt. It failed.

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