Tory boy confesses crimes publically...or does he?

All this web 2.0 blogging your life in public has its downers. People are forever getting arrested for confessing to crimes via their myspace pages. They don't seem to understand that what you write in public is there...perhaps forever. This is a problem that has afflicted Wales' very own Tory Boy, Chris Chapman, the youngest person to have ever been a councillor in Wales, now just 19.

He is very down with the kids, so the Poorhouse bets Cameron et al. just love him. Listen to these inspiring (if somewhat sickeningly untrue) words:

The more I read, the more I was drawn to the principles of the Conservative Party - freedom of enterprise, freedom of choice, and freedom of opportunity for all members of society, regardless of their background.

Sadly, for the Conservatives, that's not all he's been saying. And yes, the word "myspace" made the House of Commons.

Picture the scene in the House of Commons, March 1st, St. David's day if you're into that sort of thing. Poor Mrs Cheryl Gillan, spokesperson for the Conservative Welsh, jibbering on inanely about how terrible Labour is, how we need radical thinking and so on (probably all true of course) who decided to cite the exact above quote from Chapman (see column 1118 that day in the Hansard). Paul Flynn, never one to appear fuddy-duddy despite having a rather greying beard, responded by saying that Gillan might like to read young Chapman's myspace profile.

I urge the hon. Member for Chesham and Amersham (Mrs. Gillan) to read the MySpace contribution by Mr. Chapman, as I did recently. Perhaps she could put it into her manifesto. One could not describe it in the House because almost every other word would be inappropriate in parliamentary language.

Gillan - probably not understanding what all this talk about "his space" could possibly mean made the mistake of pursuing it further, saying

This sounds like a case of young versus old. I think that it is just jealousy because he is so young at 19, and obviously very much in touch with people. He is a good man.

Fastforward to 3.37pm that day, column 1138 of the Hansard. Flynn lets it rip. Apologies for the length of quote:

Towards the end of her speech, the hon. Member for Chesham and Amersham (Mrs. Gillan) was unwise enough to mention a constituent of mine, whom she quoted as an exemplar of a politician in Wales, the young man whom all others should follow. She thought he was elected, but he is a nominated member of council. I think it is my duty to inform the House a little more about this person. I would not mention him normally. I know that his inspiration in politics is the hon. Member for Monmouth (David T.C. Davies), so there is a certain poverty of ambition there.

As the young man has been cited as typifying the brave new world that the Conservatives are offering, we should know a little more about him. He has been kind enough to inform us about himself on the splendid MySpace website. He is remarkably frank. He gives a potted history of his life. He states:

"I've evolved from a little whining pussy to a thrill seeking wreckhead to a Conservative who still loves the wreckups."

He was asked, as part of the formula of the site, about what he had done in the past month. On 16 June 2006 he was asked whether he had taken drugs that month. He said yes.

The next question was:

"Have you stolen anything this month?"

and he said yes. He was asked about his ambitions in life, and he said his ambition was politics. Asked why he wanted to go into politics, he said that he wanted it for the power, the flash suits and the money.

And why not eh - at least he's honest, but most definitely politically misguided. Perhaps the Tories, should they wish to maintain their act of fine decent law-abiding (mostly) good clean behaviour pick their idols with more care next time. All that Flynn missed out was some delightful "hip-hop lyrics" Chapman had written - 'Cos when this Doctor is in Surgery / People run with some f***ing urgency'. It's amazing he'd want to enter politics with musical talent like that. Unfortunately you can't verify this for yourself because as if by magic his myspace page at has been removed.

But, readers, there is worse embarrassment to come. All that stuff about drugs and theft not only discredited his status as a Tory role model hence removing all respect from the Conservative community but actually wasn't even true really - removing all respect from all other communities as well. He was just trying to impress his mates.

Drugs? Well, he's no Ozzy Osbourne. Upon questioning the nearest he could get to validating that claim was to say the drug in question was Tramadol which he was prescribed entirely legally to treat pain. Much as the Poorhouse applauds the wider use of the word drugs as a differentiation from illegal drugs, the boy wonder probably knew exactly what the question was getting at when writing his answers down.

Theft? No Ronnie Biggs either sadly. Rather, at some unspecified point in his short life so far he claims he stole his cousin's sweets.

The Poorhouse verdict: throw away the key.


Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <blockquote> <del> <p>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
  • You may post code using <code>...</code> (generic) or <?php ... ?> (highlighted PHP) tags.
  • You may use [acidfree:xx] tags to display acidfree videos or images inline.
  • Images can be added to this post.

More information about formatting options

This question is for testing whether you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.
10 + 9 =
Solve this simple math problem and enter the result. E.g. for 1+3, enter 4.