Ways to sell your "body-enhancing" pharmaceutical delights

Spam, spam, glorious spam - the Poorhouse is privileged to receive hundreds of "amazing offers" in his email every day. They tend to correspond to one of just a handful of themes, such as gambling, pharmaceuticals and, of course, what could at its most euphemistic be called "bodily enhancement".

Some might say this is quite annoying, but hey, some of the phraseology these elite sales-people use is funny enough to make up for at least 1% of the annoyance of dealing with said spam. Read on for some highlights...ummm...adults only though please, and slightly NSFW, in a textual way. They are largely along the lines of knob gags.

Yep, there seem to be quite a few ways to hawk your penis-enlarging lies and nonsense. Unfortunately the Poorhouse couldn't be bothered to actually open any of the emails, but the subjects were, in some cases, entertaining enough.

Some prey on your insecurity:

  • No embarrassment
  • Small dic'k is a true shortcoming for a man
  • Guys with tiny pen!ses truly lack manhood!
  • Don't let them laugh at your willy in 2008!
  • Don't get left behind in year 2008!
  • Upgrade your love weapon to fight better in year 2008!
  • Stop feeling like a small dic'k man!
  • The volume of your male meat is absolutely essential!
  • Self-pity is not for you! Fight for your male self-perfection!
  • Don't let your average-sized dic'k spoil your romance!

Some prefer to dwell on the benefits for the lucky lady on the receiving end of your meat-stick.

  • She is craving to be penetrated by your big rod!
  • Elongate your sword to fit her scabbard better!
  • Intensify her sensations during s'e_x!
  • Enormous monster phallus is every women's dream!
  • Girls don't like to get laid by baby dic'ks...
  • Don't you know that girls yearn for big schlongs?
  • Increase your tool for her complete satisfaction!
  • Your bigger dik means you wife's total satisfaction!
  • Help your willy to satisfy your lady better!

Or, accepting that all women are cheating scoundrels, at least suggest you might like to be on the top end of the pleasure scale:

  • Be the best man to enter your woman's bedroom!

Not the only man note, just the best.

Some promise a bright, bright future:

  • Don't lose this game! Get real hung in year 2008!
  • Add some more male meat to your package!
  • Turn your weewee into real monster!
  • Increase your size and s'e_xual stamina in new year!
  • Real new year present for your willy!
  • Get more respected and admired in 2008!
  • Adding a few inches to its length you add more pleasure to your s'e_x!
  • Santa will bring more length and strength to your willy!
  • Don't miss it out! Grow a monster in your pants for New Year!

Some, are, ummm... scientific:

  • Blood flow to the penis

For the lonely:

  • Your bigger dik will be your best friend now!

Some, rather ambiguous:

  • Give your body and unusual upgrade in the new year!

Unusual hey, maybe a literal baby's arm will grow down in the groiny-area. Maybe this is something similar:

  • Grow an anaconda out of your trouser snake!

For those who are mystified by the fairer sex, apparently:

  • No woman would refuse from getting laid by a full-size dic'k

...although it would be a sensible idea to run this past your lawyer before using it as a legal defence.

Oh look:

  • It's time your dream about big dic'k came true!

Yep, how pray tell did they know? The Poorhouse does nothing but dream about big dick, night and day.

Here endeth the entertainment, and possibly the site's search engine ranking what with its now massive spam-like content. Oh, let's leave you with one more ancient gem of wisdom for, hmm, probably Confucius himself:

  • Big Phallus is a symbol of masculine power!

To which his supporters fervently responded:

  • dingwood

Weirdos. Please, please write in if you have ever actually bought knob-pills hawked in such a way. It surely would end up being a hilarity-inducing situation, no?


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